Friday, April 27, 2012

I may just need a dialling wand

Do I go to the dark side?

I've maintained that one iPhone in a household, in this household, is enough.

I've left her to consult the walking internet to find out what we've seen 'yer man offof Criminal Minds in before,' while I tilt my head sideways to see if the blue light on my Nokia is flashing. It almost never is.

I like keys. I like the predictiveness and the fact that my little piece of Finnish artistry won't spell out 'fuck' the first time around. Neither 'wanker,' 'shitbags' nor 'onomatepaeia.' It's manual for the swears.

I make this my fourth Nokia. The wallpaper is of Amsterdam and it's on the right side of grainy. It makes calls, but has started to cut out. The volume stays at the same level. I don't change my ringtone. I usually keep it on silent. It has WAP. Honest to jaysus WAP. It lives in my left breast pocket when I go out to play or, moreso nowadays, to the shop for something I forgot to get last time.

It's Ready to Go, assuming Vodafone still call it that.

It is quaint, and I like it for its ease and fiddliness.

Lately, though, I've become preoccupied by what it doesn't do.

It doesn't take photos that you can see without visual aid. It doesn't tell me whether or not my friends (or is it followers?) have had their Weetabix, or what they'd say to the Troika. It doesn't work the Twitter machine. It doesn't tag me in bed watching Frasier, or sitting on the jacks, or staring at my staring wall. It doesn't tell me what Richard Dean Anderson's doing right around now, or whether he has a Twitter machine, or if he can work the touchpad. It doesn't convert money to other monies or pay bills or make toast or anything.

It doesn't compute.

Afraid of phone bills ever since I spent my entire 21st birthday present fixing payment for a Panasonic that couldn't switch off, then couldn't switch on, I'm reluctant to swap the €50 a month I spend in credit for something more addictive than crack itself, a device so all consuming that I'll spend most of my time looking down instead of sideways.

Reluctant too because my fingers turn to clunk when presented with a touchscreen, the fear of sending typos out into the world greater than contracting the Ebola virus. Remember that? I could look that up too.

How much do they cost anyway?

9 comments:

John Braine said...

I had the same quandary a while ago but it was a toss up between an android and an iPhone. I got an Android. Just because you can personalize things a bit more. iPhone's don't let you change much. You have to use whatever default keyboard, browser etc they decide you should use.

The real clincher for me was Swype. (Hey you still awake!?) You couldn't install Swype, or anything like it on an iphone. http://www.swype.com/category/tips/tips-videos/

And it cost me a tenner with Vodafone. Not the several hundred an iPhone costs.

The one big bugbear about Android phones, or at least the one I have, is the terrible battery life. You need a charger in work just to keep it ticking over.

The new Windows phones look really nifty too. A friend has one.

Radge said...

Plenty of options there - I'm a complete imbecile when it comes to these things but you're not the first person to suggest an Android to me.

John Braine said...

I make it my prerogative to give people more choices, when they're trying to narrow them down. I'm helpful like that.

Radge said...

Just when I'm looking to be told, definitively, exactly what to do!

Rosie said...

get an android. i have both (get me!) and for the fairly limited use i make of them (calls, texts, email, feed reader, twitter, web browser) there's little difference between the two except for the price.

Rosie said...

also, "android" is just a lovely word.

Radge said...

Knowing me, I'll probably get one because it is a lovelier word.

Kath said...

LC has an iPhone but I have an old Nokia. SMS and calls is all it needs to do for me when I'm in a house of two iPads (neither of 'em mind), the iPhone and a desktop. Oh and a telly that magically converts to the internet too whenever LC's of a mind to play with it.

Holemaster said...

You have a staring wall too? I have a staring tree.

People have no idea how important unfocused distance staring is.