Wednesday, April 20, 2011

State visit

An indoor day, sporadically watching the snooker and dipping into my book about a shit-infested Balinese prison. A tremendous read entirely, 'Hotel K,' and it's distracting me from a minor bout of throat-ouch and, most importantly of all, myself.

I had a thought about the queen's* visit to Ireland. They're down to visit Croke Park and the Garden of Remembrance and Coolmore Stud and the Guinness Storehouse and Trinity College and fuck knows where else on their three-day jaunt.

You'd be knackered after all that. I'm tired even thinking about it, and I have no involvement whatsoever.

"Fuck this, Philip, look at this itinerary."

"What is it NOW, dear?"

"Look what they're having us do, where they're making us go. Here there and fucking everywhere, Philip."

"Language, Liz, language."

"I'm riled up Philip. I'm 85 tomorrow and they're having me stand around in horse muck and shaking the hands of a bunch of West Brit haircuts."

"Well what do you suppose we should do about it, dear?"

"I believe we should go, as intended, and just sit in our hotel rooms and order one of those frightfully good pay-per-view channels."

"Oh they ARE frightfully good. Yes, I like them."

"Or, Philip, you could see to it that someone ships over the DVD player from the entertaining den. We could finally get into that 'House' box-set that Camilla gave us. That Hugh Laurie is frightfully good."

"And a frightfully nice chap too."

"Oh Philip, let's. Let's jettison all that State visit shit and stay indoors. They have those Domino's pizza pies in Dublin too according to the computer box."

"Have it your way, dear."

"...oh? What's this? Philip. PHILIP! Wake up! They're trying to get us to pay our own way! What a fucking dis..."

"LANGUAGE, dear! Look up Trip Advisor and be done with it."

"Very well, Philip. Very well."

*I capitalise for no monarch.

7 comments:

Green of Eye, Sharp of Claw said...

Cheers for cheering me up this morning Radge. One may have laughed and spilt ones morning tea on the table.

Radge said...

Always a pleasure, m'dear!

Kath Lockett said...

Poor old luv - she is *85* after all. She should be wearing velour and elastic from neck to ankle, swearing at anyone she likes and accessing pay-per-view whenever she wants.

That's how it seems to be done here.

Holemaster said...

I'm hoping for a major sectarian gaffe from Philip. Ah royalty. They're gas.

Radge said...

Kath - I really feel I nailed the old woman schtick.

Holemaster - The doddery old goat, it's as inevitable as my drunkenness this weekend.

sniffle said...

That’s funny Radge – no capitals either but no monarchs first.

computer box 

Do you think if lizzie made a gesture, asked mountcharles and co. to give the stuff back, would the visit go better ?

or

is Ireland still happy to ingratiate itself with the latest generation or rapists and pillagers .

( better to rant at something tangible than bailouts and politicians )

Radge said...

All I can promise is that I'll be ignoring the whole farrago, listening to Jewel and doing a raindance somewhere that doesn't need it.