Monday, November 22, 2010

Opened it, read it, said they were suckers...

The stars, upon hearing of Ireland's gubbermental and monetary woes, quickly revised their weekend plans.

Lindsay Lohan had been planning a coke-fuelled sex romp with Shane McGowan in one of the rooms over Bruxelles' pub, but decided to stay in and watch a James Bond marathon instead with three three-packs of Snickers ice-cream.

Documentalist Michael Moore had planned on a weekend break visiting relatives near Knock but, instead, will be heading to Washington DC for some target practice on the White House press room.

Grace Jones had hoped to complete her takeover of Sporting Fingal but decided against it, opting instead to go deep sea fishing off the coast of Finland.

Dannii Minogue had intended on pulling a sickie from The X Factor in order to do the Viking Splash Tour of Dublin, but was worried that 'mocking is catching' and she'd end up with proper flu knack.

Gordon Ramsay had a serious jones for a lamb shawarma from Iskanders, but will instead be loud and shirtless somewhere on the continent.

Bruce Willis had pencilled in a night playing strip chess with Mary Hanafin, but she texted him tonight to say, "Sorry Brucey babes, rain check, 'kay?'

5 comments:

Kath Lockett said...

Saw Tom McTiernan (sorry if I got his name wrong) on a (new here, old presumably for you folk) episode of Michael McIntyre's comedy roadshow and he had some rather eerie comments to make about Ireland's economy.

"When you owe so much money that it's just noise - AAAAAAARGH - why don't we just kill the fucker we all owe money to and then relax?"

He's got a point. Then again, that might only be because Lady Gaga decided to cancel Cork.....

Radge said...

I don't know who that is... Oh, hang on... I think you might mean Tommy Tiernan. He's very shouty so it figures. He has some good ideas.

I was going to write a very serious piece about the whole thing, before remembering that others do that kind of thing so much better. I think I need to stop with the fake celebrity stories though.

Kitty Cat said...

No, don't! I like the fake celebrity stories! I can't wait to hear who's going to be spotted falling out of Joxer Daly's on Karaoke Sunday.

Radge said...

Margaret Thatcher.

Holemaster said...

I heard Biffo crashed through the second floor plate glass window of Crunch fitness on Camden Street when the running machine stopped suddenly.