Sunday, October 24, 2010

'Take Me Out'

I've seen it, I have stared into the abyss and it is not good. The most scarifying piece of television ever to be transmitted and it's called 'Take Me Out.'

"You let a girl into your life, you have to expect some bad TV."

Indeed.

She clued me in on the premise.

A boy walks into a studio and is met by a congress of approximately twenty girls, lined up as they do on 'Deal Or No Deal.'

They each stand behind their own technoplinth and, as the fella reveals more and more bits about himself they can either a) switch off their lights if they're not interested, or b) keep their lights on if they think the subject is suitably 'ripped,' which is a word I learned out of 'our Charlotte from Clondalkin' last night.

Hopefully, come the end, there will still be three or four lights left on and then the power transfers to him as he straddles the spotlight, takes a look at what he sees and turns off the lights of all but one. His chosen one. Then they go on a date. And report back. Then the whole process begins again.

Things worked out well for some boy from Cavan whose name I never learned as he trotted off to bump uglies with a blonde sort from (probably) Leitrim, but the second fella had an awful time of it. A ginger from Belfast, he'd matched his belt to his shoes and this worked for Chantelle from Naas, but eventually he talked himself into a hiding and all the lights were out before he could even choose a date. The poor fucker.

Ray Foley, at least, couldn't keep his hands off our dejected Nordie friend and offered him solace after solace before sending him off with a goodie bag, while the girls just waited there for the next prey.

All I could think back on was my worst of the first dates, back in yore, and multiply it by 20, one light going off after another. It was a horrible half an hour that will be repaid in football, and plenty of it.

15 comments:

Susan at Stony River said...

Sounds ghastly. (Was the Belfaster my husband, btw?)

That last line of yours is pure gold
LOL

Radge said...

Susan! Good to see you. The Belfaster was about 22, so unless you're the cradliest of cradle snatchers...

Kath Lockett said...

Whilst I'm big enough to admit that we Australians aren't known for our discerning culture, I coudln't have been more proud than I was last year when our version of 'Take Me Out' died after one single episode.

hope said...

Please don't let anyone in Hollywood/T.V. Land read this!

And I thought "The Bachelor" was in poor taste. {1 guy, 20 women in the same house WHILE he dates the ones he likes}.

At least this show seems as if it might implode. I suggest an additional half hour of football, just to be safe.

Kitty Cat said...

I hear that every so often on that show there's a thing called a blackout, where all the girls turn off their lights as soon as the poor sod walks onstage. It sounds horrific.

Radge said...

Hope - Oh I will be suggesting that.

Kitty Cat - That's probably the reason for this blog, kept imagining said 'blackout' situation.

shiny said...

Sounds terrifying...

A horrible half an hour, of football!

Radge said...

Shiny - Welcome. Thanks for the comment. You're no longer 'she'. So there.

Jackie said...

Funny. "Take Me Out" is known on this side of the Atlantic as being a play about baseball, homophobia, & racism and won some prestigious awards. Pretty amazing play, actually. I THINK it also had a brief run in London.

But I digress. This television show you're talking about sounds horrifying.

shiny said...

'she' is fine, the cat's mother and the football however..

McMuck and the Mystery of the Kuúgleflarg said...

Is this not the process that led to Roy Hodgson becoming the current Liverpool boss?

Loads of managers stood around Purslow and Broughton, one by one turning out their lights as they hear just how messed up the club has become under Hicks and Gillette until Dalglish and Hodgson remained.

Conan Drumm said...

Hello, Shiny! Apologies for 'the cat's mother' but it was only on account of my being brung up never to refer to someone as 'she'.

I swore off 'Take Me Out' when I first heard tell of it.

Radge said...

Jackie - Horribly horrifying.

S - For every comment you post about not watching football, there will be added one half an hour of football.

Mook - Sounds about right. Shameful scenes.

Conan - How very mannerly. Good work.

Dot-Com said...

So Radge... are you going to pick the first half hour or the last? Or maybe somewhere in the middle?

Radge said...

Remains to be seen, Dot.