Monday, October 18, 2010

Blue Monday

I do hate sneezing, the hearing of it and the doing of it.

The hearing of it: The idea of somebody's innards becoming somebody's outwards, the sudden explosion of snot in my airspace. Too few people cover their noses.

The doing of it: I sneeze about four times a year, except when I'm met with a headcold. This is that time and comes only three weeks after my last one. I'm normally the picture of medium-sized health, two colds a year maximum, so this is as surprising as it is unwelcome.

If there's a bright side it's in the knowing that this isn't a bubbling under, there-but-not-there half virus, it's a glorious thwack of a blizzard and will be gone the quicker for it. There's also the hope that this comes in lieu of my yearly Christmas cold, meaning I won't have to scoff down Maimie's glorious banquet with the aid of a gallop of Uniflu and several hot whiskeys.

There's that, at least.

10 comments:

Conan Drumm said...

The drink is a hoor for the immune system. And other people, they're a hoor for the immune system too. Put them together and you have an epidemic.

Radge said...

Ah, but both drink and other people are so very enticing. I'd be a crap Howard Hughes.

This Limbo said...

A lad in national school once claimed that the heart stops for a second with every sneeze. True or false?

Radge said...

I think it's a fraction of a second, but true.

Also, if you sneeze with your eyes open, they pop out.

Also, a sneeze is one eighth of an orgasm.

This Limbo said...

All my life's questions were just answered, right there

Dot-Com said...

Awww you poor thing, but at least your two colds are over and done with for the year!

Holemaster said...

Crisp dry weather is great for killing off colds.

Radge said...

Dot - Cheers and hopefully!

Holemaster - As I'm discovering. On its way out.

Kath Lockett said...

"somebody's innards becoming somebody's outwards" - gold, dear Radge.

On the other side of the world, I too have my annual cold but it's mixed with hayfever which has inexplicably decided to visit me after avoiding my nasal, ear, eyes and throat cavities for a decade.

Then, just last week I lost my voice on the day of a job interview and this week have been diagnosed with Labrynthitis which makes me feel as though I'm drunk and end up staggering around, crashing my sides into doorframes.

So, picture this: every sneeze (several hundred each fucking day, right now) is accompanied by a explosive fart so that my body is torn in twain from the expelling from both pipes; then I clutch at my head in agony, fall sideways due to dizziness and apologise (if I've the wit left to remember) to anyone who heard the fart or I fell on top of.

Actually, after writing all that, I might just add it to my own blog in order to elicit the sympathy that you've encountered here. Fingers crossed - actually no: it's too hard to whip out a tissue in time for the mach-three speed snot oyster as they fly out....

Radge said...

Oh Kath, how brilliant I think this is and how sorry I feel for you at the same time. Be it any consolation, but I've often wished for a sneeze or a cough to cover up my gusts of Radgedom. No dice. They blow forth without a cover up.

Mind yourself and rest assured that, in Labyrinthitis, you have the best sounding condition under the sun, awful as it must be.