Monday, September 13, 2010

You know you're sick when...

1) You watch 35 minutes of Fearne Cotton meets Mischa Barton.

2) You don't laugh at Fawlty Towers, the one with David Kelly in it.

3) You get a Chinese even though you've just spent 50 quid on groceries.

4) You crave the sweet release of death.

5) You let the dishes pile up in the sink, unwashed, because you never let the dishes pile up in the sink, unwashed.

6) You hallucinate the presence of Bobby Davro in your sitting room.

7) You do that revolting snot hocking thing that so disgusts you normally.

8) You open the blinds bollock naked, forgetting an entire office block surrounds your bedroom.

9) You substitute your evening Budvar for an evening Blackcurrant Lemsip, which surely should be called Blacksip. Or something catchier.

10) You can't muster the will to kick something every time Maxi Rodriguez appears on the screen, being present yet utterly anonymous.

11) You find yourself agreeing with Top Top's football punditry.

12) You have no interest in seeing what the fancy sort in the apartment opposite is up to.

13) You take a bath with eucalyptus-infused bath salts, which prove utterly inconsequential.

14) You wear the same pair of tracksuit bottoms for three days in a row, ignoring the funk beneath.

15) You throw half the curry out.

16) You start mainlining Olbas Oil.

17) You tell people on the phone you only have a headcold when you're pretty sure you're on the way out, because you want to appear stoic. You bristle at the term man flu. (Turns out you only have a headcold.)

18) You write lists. Lots of lists. You like lists. You shun narrative.

19) You watch your first episode of EastEnders in roughly ten years.

20) You get to twenty and you run out of breath.

14 comments:

Holemaster said...

Yeah I got hit with something out of nowhere this weekend.

Radge said...

If nothing else, we can catch up on our correspondence.

This Limbo said...

I have kidney failure

Radge said...

Perspective and a brevity-induced chuckle. Good comment.

This Limbo said...

I rather feared it may come across as mean. To exclamation mark or not to exclamation mark is so often the question. I knew you'd get it however.

Radge said...

The exclamation mark would have diluted it, you called it right.

Green Of Eye, Sharp Of Claw said...

4 words that kill/subdue most colds: Industrial strength hot whiskey.

Radge said...

I have a recipe for same.

3 parts hot water.

1 part cloves.

.5 part lemon.

95.5 parts Jameson.

Anonymous said...

My favourite film title ever was a 1949 Scottish comedy that was retitled at some stage "Tight Little Island".
IMDB of course for the answer.
Let's see if anyone gets the answer before Radge.

Goldmaster said...

My mistake, the previous comment came from me, not "anonymous"

Radge said...

Whiskey Galore!

The internet has killed the humble trivia question.

Therese Cox said...

Possibly I'm paraphrasing, but I believe the time-honored remedy is this:

1 bottle of Jameson
1 bed
1 hat

Instructions: hang one hat (any type will do) at the foot of the bed. Begin drinking bottle of Jameson. When you see two hats, go to bed.

Radge said...

I think I've bested it, Therese. The horrible burning throat has subsided.

Recreationally speaking, however, your comment is most welcome.

Kath Lockett said...

I must be sick permanently then because I never laugh at Fawlty Towers and think that three days in tracksuit pants is vaguely acceptable.