Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Waga Mama

I think I hate Waga Mama.

It's not the food, I love a Yasai Gyoza as much as the next man, it's the school canteen communality of the place that hands me the ire.

Whoever came up with this idea needs to give themselves a good talking to. Whoever decided that separate tables at restaurants were, like, so 1995 needs to be sat next to the pint sized gimp I shared my lunch experience with yesterday.

He came in, all 19 or 20-years-wasted of him, with his friend Trudie.

Before he had even sat down he was all like yadda yadda bish bash bosh and she was all like ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod so he was like I KNOW I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER and she was like whatever you so don't need her in your life anyway she's such a bitch.


There is nothing like the fear of a badly placed shuffle in such circumstances, when the iPod hits the irony setting and spits out the likes of Low, mandolin-era REM and James Taylor to leave you scrambling like a dervish to find something, anything percussive.

Then the battery dies.

I thought about using a second set of chopsticks as earplugs but that would just have looked odd, so I resigned myself to this boy's abrasive little caterwauls and let him puke inanities all over my Yaki Soba, all over my Tuesday afternoon, the repugnant scrotum.

"Do you know that it's ok to take a breath?" I nearly said before my da's words about me being an intolerant fucker at the best of times came back to me, so I bit down hard and thought about Mother Gargle.

My point, and I do have one this time, is that these shared benches are a bad idea. They can do one, and so can the trendy waiting staff, the electronic pens, the code for the bathroom and the mid-meal, mid-chew, mid-noodles-hanging-from-face enquiries ("Is everything ok today, sir?").

I'm after Paolo Tullio's job, in case you hadn't guessed.


NextSeatOver said...

I had a similar experience on the dart last week. Having forgotten my earphones I had to listen to two girls discussing a new guy that one was seeing. I couldn't make out whether it was a budding relationship or he would be cast aside as mistake because he was like so Like, you know like? and then OH my god like he like did like like like... you know like?.. Feeling something like, or very similar to, the onset of brain damage I was tempted to get off early and walk home.

Kath Lockett said...

Excessive flatulence can help, if you've got the stomach for it physically and psychologically

John Braine said...

I was only in there once and got very lucky. It was odd. I had so much in common with the people beside me and all they were talking about I was tempted to join and ask to be their friends!

Odd - the experience I'm used to in similar circumstances are always closer to your one.

Radge said...

NextSeatOver - Never forget the earphones. Never ever. It will always be when you most need them.

Kath - I should have ordered the edamame, full of beanly goodness.

John - I've had your experience too, but always refrain from joining in. Unless drunk.

Conan Drumm said...

She was at the far end of the carriage, and it's like soooo far from Mayo to Dublin.
These new trains, they hardly make a click on the tracks. Her signal was fine, for ages, but eventually her battery went. Either that or even her friend Mary (for that was her name) eventually tired of the, like, conversation.
There were things her friend was saying that I agreed with, so much so that I wanted to walk to the far end of the carriage and say, 'No, Mary's right.' But if I had done that I would have politely asked to speak with Mary.
'Hi, Mary!' I would have said. 'Your friend has to go now, she's just met a strange man on a train.'

Radge said...

A page-turner of a comment.

Holemaster said...

I'm an intolerant fucker and I enjoy it immensely.

Radge said...

Some people have chocolate, we have our shared disdain for most things.

Kitty Cat said...

Hmm. Lemon are fuckers for that communal table malarkey as well. It end up feeling like speed dating with added pancakes.

Radge said...

Pancakes and a ride. I don't know, seems pretty good to my childish mind.

Tony S. said...

Low - the Bowie album or the band? The latter would have been noisy enough

Excellent post, by the way ...

Radge said...

Thanks Tony.

Talking about the band, 'Things We Lost In The Fire' specifically.