Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Clothes shopping

A man calls to the house, my da answers...

"Excuse me sir, what do you do with your old clothes?"

The aul' fella: "I wear them."

The man goes on his way.

I can relate. There is no fresher hell than shopping for clothes, at least not that I can think of.

With my black t-shirts now frayed and charcoal, my jeans gone at the crotch due to my gargantuan appendage, my shirts shedding buttons like Bosco on a drinking frenzy I took myself to town to get it all over and done with.

What a rotten experience.

I went to five shops, with the selling staff getting more and more trendy as I got more and more broken down by life. A sweaty curmudgeon buying young people's clothes, that was me, doing everything I could to avoid seeing myself in profile through the dressing room mirrors. I hate my profile.

TK Maxx was the killer. I went in hoping for some cheap knock-offs and left cursing and blinding and tripping over the buggies of children eating ice-cream, their mothers chattering away to each other and caring not one jot for the tightness of the aisles. Fuck that. Fuck TK Maxx and its row upon row of polyester pulchritude.

Weighed down like some photo negative Pretty Woman I panted my way down Grafton Street and into the nearest taxi I could find, hoping against hope that some poor damsel will marry me before I have to go through this again.

I am my da.

12 comments:

Holemaster said...

You have to know what you want before leaving the house. Look at what you're wearing and go buy the same again.

Heidi said...

"Weighed down like some photo negative Pretty Woman..." Love it.

Just make sure that poor damsel doesn't hate shopping, too. I can testify that there are girls like that out there, though you may find that hard to believe.

Niamh B said...

thanks for teaching us pulchritude - what a horrible sounding word for beauty.
and yes, you are your da, just give up and let your ma set you up with her friend Betty

Radge said...

Holemaster - Plain black t-shirts are the way to go.

Heidi - Thanks. I've met one or two that hate shopping. Call me sexist, but it's the equivalent of a man that doesn't like football.

Niamh - I tried. Betty's taken. She shacked up with the bookie.

mapstew said...

I'm colour-blind. The shopping fun I do have! The trendy young wans think I'm taking the piss, "Can you tell me what colour this is?"

:¬)

Radge said...

Pfft. Down with trends and trending and all that sort of guff.

hope said...

Yes, I'm sure my "girl" membership card will be revoked but I HATE shopping! Seems I got my Da's gene for that. :)

Take your problem, then multiply it by a body that is short: too much material where I don't need it.

I say set your own style; find something [beside the black t-shirts, you need a couple of outfits] you like that likes you back...then buy one in a variety of colors. In multiples if possible. :)

I've just envisioned you marrying a color blind, fashion challenged woman...which leads you back to square one. ;)

Radge said...

Hope - You might help me out. What does :) mean? Or ;)? I never understood them.

On the other points, I can dress myself ok and I'm not purely a black t-shirt wearer. That was pure blog hyperbole.

Kath Lockett said...

Black t-shirts *are* the way to go, so is Holemaster's idea of buying what you're already wearing, but newer, brighter and cleaner.

Or work out your size and do it all via online or mail order. Saves time, sweat and public humiliation but does tend to result in owning around 20 black t-shirts, 10 long-sleeved black t-shirts and another 15 'spare' black t-shirts.....

Radge said...

This is quickly turning into Beaut.ie.

Oh jaysus.

T cup said...

well I'm turning into my mother, although i have to BE, a mother to know whether or not i need a jacket when leaving the house.

go into penny's on a wednesday morning when it's sign on day and just lob one of everything into your basket job done! Oh except what's on the girls side that would look weird. unless...

Conan Drumm said...

Can't remember when I last went shopping for clothes. That said, I have been in shops. So what's with all the writing and 'designs' on gents' clothing? Why are plain t-shirts often more expensive than the ones with 'designs' on them?!!