Wednesday, May 26, 2010

What fresh hell is this?

If this saves any of you from a cinematic fisting this weekend I'll have done my job.

"Bad puns, fashion porn, domestic handwringing, contrived plot points, idiotic dialogue and offensive stereotypes. What's not to loathe?" - Richard Roeper.

"Some of these people make my skin crawl. The characters of Sex and the City 2 are flyweight bubbleheads living in a world which rarely requires three sentences in a row." - Roger Ebert.

"The most depressing thing about Sex and the City 2 is that it seems to justify every nasty thing said and written about the series and first feature film." - David Edelstein, New York Magazine.

"Sex and the City 2 is two of the worst movies of the year." - The New York Post.

"I'd rather sit through Sex And The City 2 than sit through Sex And The City 2." -

= =

Some other things I'd rather do:-

Spend a Saturday night in the Mater Hospital's A+E waiting room.

Drink a nice hot cup of Christy Moore-brand sweatsoup.

Have Jedward perform live in my bathroom while I have a shite.

Follow Twink on Twitter.

Watch every Eurovision 'Song' Contest from the last twenty years back-to-back-to-back-to...

Spend six minutes alone in a room with Eamon Ryan.

Go dogging with Ronan Keating.

Be forced, Clockwork Orange-style, to watch nothing but that fucking Magnum Gold?! ad for 18 straight hours.

Give Bono a back massage while singing the hits of Neil Sedaka.

Make the sex at Anne Robinson.

Run bollock naked up the crack of Brian Cowen's arse.

Eat eggs.

Work as a showbiz reporter for the News Of The World.


Susan at Stony River said...

There are things that just should never have been forced on the world. Barney the dinosaur, for instance. Reality Television. This movie.

Radge said...

Agreed, more agreed, most agreed.

I thought I'd finished this post but more came to me as I brushed my teeth and put on my Knight Rider pyjamas.

Grandad said...

You wouldn't recommend it then?

Kath Lockett said...

In due deference to your pain, I just endured a coughing fit after snorting my coffee whilst reading about what you'd rather be doing instead of watching the movie.

I'm going to a Lindt-sponsored event next week in Sydney that also involves seeing this movie. I wonder if I can just grab the chocs and bugger off when the lights get turned down?

Radge said...

Grandad - Without having seen it, I can still safely say, "not if you value low blood pressure."

Kath - There isn't enough chocolate in the world.......

Kitty Cat said...

Heh. That Magnum Gold ad again. I think it's the ?! that gets me most of all.

Radge said...

Yeah, what the fuck is the point in that? I see now I had them the wrong way around. Will change it while grinding my teeth.

Elmo said...

I think they're calling for every sentence relating to the magnum gold to end sounding like its been uttered by a blond, oranged face 16year girl from Blackrock - so like every sentence uttered relating to Magnum Gold?! sounds like a question? Like.

Oh, and on another note - Radge, I happen to know for a fact you like Sex and the City. Knowing that makes me think you would REALLY like to run in the nip up the crack of Brian Cowens arse.

Radge said...

So many typos, Elmo. So many, in fact, that nobody will be able to take your goading of me seriously.


Anonymous said...

I particularly like your use of that great line from The Proposition as the title - nice work. Now there's a movie! Not to be confused with The Proposal, though I really wish someone in Cineworld had made that mistake and shown the gritty Aussie-western instead of the RomCom...

Radge said...

Cue lots of Elmo's bespoke 16-year-olds crying into their popcorn and wondering 'what the fuck is John Hurt talking about? Where's Ryan Reynolds?'

Conan Drumm said...

Yes to all of that... though wondering what fresh hell eggs ever subjected you to?

And then, the after thought - what the fuckity-fuck was Radge doing at S&TC2? Was he alone? Was it a d-a-t-e?

Radge said...

Oh I didn't see it Conan, oh no. Eva Birthistle herself couldn't drag me to that shite.

I just hate eggs.

Maxi said...

Y'know, slagging Twink is a sign of desperation.
Not that I'd know anything about that.

Radge said...

Fuck that. You're my muse, Maxi.

Holemaster said...

Jedward and shite. Heh.