Wednesday, March 03, 2010

The headache

What's the protocol with first dates and getting one's round in?

I get the first, proper order, as she settles and wonders about the fact that I really don't have any earlobes.

I really don't, I'd have been hexed in the Eighties.

Anyway, yeah, I get the first and we sit and talk about all the blundering shite that's required on a getting to know you basis. Where do you work? Do you like where you work? How many brothers and sisters? Do I have any tomato sauce left on my chin? Favourite biscuit? Political bent? Shower of bastards? Favourite pubs? Brothers and sisters? Oh, I already asked that, didn't I?

I always offer to get the second. While I'm the opposite of a stingey fucker it leaves a better impression if she goes with, "you got the first, I'm getting this."

We live in an age of mutual nervousness.

That being said I don't let it bother me if I have to make a return trip as long, AS FUCKING LONG, as she makes the move for a third.

Not so this time. I repeated my "fancy another?" to my Monday night darling and she sat there, looked at the bar, made no move towards her handbag and told me that yes, indeed, she would like me to put my hand in my pocket for the third time and I should be glad of the privilege.

"Grand so," says I, as I fuckin' eejited my way up to the bar for a 'same again.'

What a ruse, what a bunch of bollocks, what misplaced chivalry on my part as she spent an hour bitching about the government and the rest of the time going on about what she hates, how she hates the things she hates and how she'd hate to be a person just like other people.

It finished 1-0 to me, though.

I had a "headache."


Green Of Eye, Sharp Of Claw said...

One of my biggest peeves.Stingyness.The fact that she didn't even offer would have started my teeth grinding.

Radge said...

And where were you on Monday night when I needed you?

That bloody Canada excuse again, no doubt.

hope said...

You don't have earlobes? As in your lower ear seems to slip right into your neck?


Me neither. I only hated it when we studied genetics as school and I was the "example", as if I were some form of mutant.

Radge said...

Hope - Nah, my earlobes are just more subtle than your average man's. An allegory of sorts.

Kath Lockett said...

Oooh, that's stingy of her.

I hope you said you'd call but never do.

Fifteen years of marriage later, Love Chunks and I still get our jollies playing the, "Nah, you stay there, I'll go and pay for dinner" game when we only have the one account.

.... However, I do remember our first date - which was at the pub - and we matched each other round for round. Then we left his car in the car park and walked home, still talking. Best date ever.

Radge said...

Kath - that's exactly what I did/haven't done/won't do.

And stop making me all sad.

Conan Drumm said...

You need to filter these wans out before the dates happen. If it does happen again I suggest you part saying, "Sorry, I've got a terrible walletache."

Radge said...

That one's getting noted down, Conan.

Jennikybooky said...

When I was 19 I went on a date with this man that I had secretly fancied for ages. He was 29 at the time so in my little 19 year old brain I thought he would be all manners and knowing how to treat me.

I went into the pub and went straight to the bar, he came up behind me and said "sit down I'll get that".

So he brought me down the drink and literally two nanoseconds later, while I still had a full glass in front of me he goes "are you going to the bar?" Shamelessly like.

I couldn't believe it. I was just after sitting down. He had JUST been at the bar and didn't buy himself a drink. Cheap bastard.

I just looked at him and said "nope!" Fuck that like, I would have ran up and got him a drink if he wasn't such a stingebag!

After the drink I said I had to go and he walked me out of the pub and promptly did a huge fart.

That was our first and last date.

Radge said...

Jenniky - In the words of the great Oscar Wilde, fuck that for a game of backgammon.

Holemaster said...

Similar thing happened me once but I ended up getting a backer off her on her bike, all the way to mine. While she was tight in one way, she.... well.... you know.