Tuesday, January 05, 2010

The following action is not reversible

'It does exactly what it says on the tin.'

Would you fuck the fuck off? Does nobody else come down with a proper sense of ire when they see this used abysmally, horribly and abortively out of its original context?

It was an advertisement for varnish, for the love of gravy. Now it's trundled out every time some product or person does exactly what it or he or she set out to do in the first place. There is seldom, if ever, a tin involved.

'That freezing fog, it's cold, it does exactly what it says on the tin.'

Fucking Twitter. FUCKING Twitter. This is the kind of shit I'm faced with every time I log into it, this and the disgusting use of the word 'awesome' by people who really should know an awful lot better.

'Fail.'

Oh Jesus.

'Queued for an hour to see Avatar but it sold out as I neared the top of the line. Cinema fail LOL.'

Fucking Twitter. Honest to fuck I only go in there looking for a way to get out of there, and my recent cull - bringing those I follow from a bloated mid-fifties to a tolerable mid-twenties - has still not dulled the level of hatred I feel for it.

I've gone to delete my profile from it thrice now and turned back, but fuck it, here I go...

(The following action is not reversible.)

Fuck that feels good.

If I could do it again, I would. I'd nearly create a new profile, connect with scores of people I've never met, gabble on about ROFL and LMAOs and delete it all over again because damn if this semi isn't about to go full throttle.

Whew.

Irish blogging is dead, or dying, apparently. This is because of one man's (he's a good lad, not a personal attack) decision to foresake the long form for the 140-character ejaculation of text mirth. He's seen as the tip of the iceberg, Jean Claude, the straw that broke the camel's tin of Ronseal Quick Drying Woodstain LOL.

Well, I persist. Fuck Twitter.

13 comments:

Twenty Major said...

I don't even have a tin.

Radge said...

Once you've a pot to piss in you'll do alright.

Twenty Major said...

I sold it for 43 new followers.

hope said...

Everyone laughed at me when I said no to Facebook and Twitter. Heard someone crashed Twitter for a day or two and its users almost went mad. Or is that got mad?

I save 140 characters for Susan at stony river farm's Microfiction Monday. At least it feels as if I used braincells. :)

Andrew said...

Well done.
I once briefly considered setting up a Twitter account as a promotional tool for my blog. Then I remembered that I'm not Damien Mulley and that I don't give a cunt about such things.

Radge said...

Twenty, you Twitter whore you.

Hope - I always shied away from the microfiction. I do prefer macrofiction.

Radge said...

Andrew - I read his blog today for the first time in about two years. One of the entries was on a similar subject to this, except his was a ramble about how much people missed his presence on Twitter. I'm not being unkind here, it's there on the screen.

'And did I miss being on Twitter and conversing? Not really no. Every now and then I wanted to contribute something useful and ended up doing it via private message or emailing the person with the message instead. Or I wanted to tell some muppet to shut up.'

Or the following, worse again.

'The most frequently asked question of me in the past 3 months is the title of this post. I’ve gotten about a dozen phonecalls, a heck of a lot of private messages, instant messages, facebook mails, emails (remember them?) and even LinkedIn messages asking me why I wasn’t using Twitter. Some even seemed hurt, the same reaction some gave me when I went off drink for a year.'

It was as arrogant and self regarding as writing gets, in my opinion.

Andrew said...

Doesn't it just make your blood boil to think of all the muppets out there who escaped deserved censure?

You do realise he's most likely already tweeted about what a 'deranged fucktard' you are, or something?

Radge said...

I know, yeah, it was a dereliction of duty on his part to let such abject muppetry go unmolested.

Let him name call, if he must. I've seen him do it before but I prefer to slag off the words, not the man.

(The cunt.)

Conan Drumm said...

Ah, tweet reason... it is what it says on the tin.

Radge said...

I'd like to see that tin.

Terence McDanger said...

Tins of Guinness in my fridge say in the small print: Turns your poo to molasses.

Hey! It does exactly what it...

Ah whatever.

Radge said...

Unfortunately, there was no such warning on last night's bottle of wine. Not that I'd have heeded it.