Sunday, October 18, 2009

Poop

"I think it was the breakfast."

"Definitely not the brandy or the beer or the wine or the four course meal containing rich foods, sauces, meats, chocolate and...?"

"It was the fucking breakfast."

Well whatever it was, it had me heaving and careening through the vacant pub toilets of Kilkenny, leaving a trail of uttermost radge in my wake yesterday. Safety came in the form of some little brown and green pills and I was able to resume with the beer, the grub and festivities, but I swear to jaysus I came rightly close to the touching of cloth.

Not nice. Not nice at all.

As for my little checklist of Thursday gone, let's have a looksee...

1) Will not sit under a tree for the best part of an hour, 300 yards from the action.

Successfully avoided. There was plush greenery aplenty but I eschewed it.

2) Will not drink brandy.

Unsuccessful. Hence some prized squits.

3) Will not dance.

Unsuccessful. It was late in the night and I can only barely recall it, but I don't think I broke any bones.

4) Will not sing, or play an instrument, or make any claims to poetry.

Successfully avoided, but my French accent went down a treat.

5) Will not be slapped.

Successfully avoided.

6) Will not go for a nap.

Avoided. I paced myself well enough until the clock struck twelve.

7) Will avoid, most studiously, the creature known as Sea Bee.

Unsuccessful. Eyewitnesses tell me I sat down at her table for all of 28 seconds before I remembered myself and our last encounter and promptly ran screaming under the gaze of her dick shrivelling lasers of hate. This one wasn't for turning.

7 comments:

adogwoof said...

we love you Radge

McMuck and the Mystery of the Kuúgleflarg said...

You hid your pain quite well in the glass area.

As for me, there was carnage in the latrines of Cashel.

Radge said...

Thank you Ag.

McMuck - At that particular moment, my brokening was just starting. You looked like a man in pain too.

Susan at Stony River said...

Well done you.
Here's to pills!

mapstew said...

"dick shrivelling lasers of hate".

Fuckin' love it!

(I think we all know a sea bee!)

:¬)

Holemaster said...

I once made my way across town from toilet to toilet in the fashion of a Sarajevo resident trying to get to the market and back alive.

Radge said...

Mapstew - That's an oldie and not mine, but genius does steal.

Holemaster - Then you know my pain all too well.