Tuesday, October 06, 2009

May as well go all out and call me fucking 'dude'

I'm an intolerant fucker and I tend to take the most irrational of dislikes to certain people.

Neither rhyme nor reason to it, it just simply is. I have to stop myself in the pub waxing on and on about the people I wouldn't have in the flat, purely because I don't like the way they sneeze, the way they taaaalk verrrry verrrry slowly or the fact that they're, like, just SUPER every day of the week.


Take the office last night, take me and one other lad a few rows down pulling our respective late shifts. I've never spoken to this boy but I've witnessed his drawl in conversation with others. He's a smile-talker. He talks through a perma-fucking-grin, even when he's being serious, nails on a blackboard.

What was his sin on this most unnoteworthy of Monday nights? He called me 'man.'

Leaving before me, he walked past, a simple 'see ya, man.'

I lifted my head from the keyboard, forehead indented by the qwerty, cocked my head with the anger of a thousand blazing Samuel L Jacksons, fixed him a look and asked...

"...the fuck you say?"

"Eh, just saying g'luck, man."

"...the fuck you calling me 'man' for? You know my fucking name?"

"Eh... Yeah... I..."

"Just get the fuck out and wipe that fucking smirk off your face..."

This is, quite obviously, a falsehood. I spake a timid "safe home" because, well, he'd take me in a fight. Mine is a silent rage.


Maxi Cane said...

You need to embrace that anger, dude.

Let it fly and kick that perma smiling tool in the vag.

Red Leeroy said...

Christ I say man sometimes, but it's when I can't remember people's names. And that is most of the time because I use a lot of recreational drugs..........man.

Radge said...

Maxi - Bork! Zang! Wank!

Red - Oh Red... You let me down. Man.

Susan at Stony River said...

Whoa, dude, it's time to like chill, KWIM?

Sorry. I know what you're going through really; all my life people have shortened my name to "Sue", which until I was about 35 drove me around the bend and right out of town. Outside I'd just answer or let it pass; inside I was screaming THAT'S NOT MY NAME! It was NEVER my name! How hard is a TWO-syllable name for you to fucking say?! -- Outside, just smile.

God we're all the same some ways.

Radge said...

True Sue, true.

Conan Drumm said...

So Raaadge, duuude, I get it, maaan. Totally.


adogwoof said...

Let's go

McMuck and the Mystery of the Kuúgleflarg said...

Have that fellow feel the knuckle side of your closed fist the next time you trudge by.

Otherwise that rage will ferment inside you and one day you may find his severed head clasped between your bloodied hands with no recollection of how it got there.

Radge said...

I do hate when that happens.

Holemaster said...

I'll bet he wears those I'm-not-a-knacker tracksuit bottoms with a rugby top. His hands sort of teeter in the pockets and the ends fall down around those runners. You, know, THOSE runners.

Maimie said...

God Radge - I wonder where you get so much intolerance from !!!! Could it be hereditary son - oh sorry forgot you are a MAN now.

Green Of Eye, Sharp Of Claw said...

'Man' was my default a few years back as i'm crap with names and a few years of art college (or as i like to call it: Camp Crustie) in Galway didn't help. Maaaaaaaan.

Radge said...

Holemaster - You have him in one.

Maimie - I learned from the best (not my da).

GOE - I should learn to be more forgiving. You are forgiven.

Meadow said...

So you're a SUPER?