Monday, September 14, 2009

The mail order maestro

I gave up taxi stories some time back - I should never read my negative reviews - but I'm breaking my fast.

I was tired, irritable, hungry and anxious to escape the City Centre so I hailed a taxi at the multi-dildoed Ulster Bank complex on the quays. We got chatting about work and the fact that I got let go in June.

I told him I was filling my days engaging in a bit of writing while doing my very least to find some new full-time employ.

"Do you know what you should write about? An article that, if it's written, will definitely make you a few bob..."

"What's that," I asked.

"Plugs."

"Plugs?"

"Plugs. When you buy an electric toothbrush they still come with those two-pronged plugs and no modern bathroom has an outlet for them. It's a disgrace. It's completely senseless..."

"Senseless, yeah..."

"It is. Yeah, you really get it. It's ridiculous! Stupid! I mean, if you write about that you'll be well on your way."

I figured he was taking the piss.

"That's a great idea."

"It really is, I mean I've never seen an article written about that and it's a real scandal, y'know?"

"I follow, yeah. Great stuff. I'll write it as soon as you drop me home. Maybe I'll win a Pulitzer!"

"Ah now, you'd hardly win a Pulitzer, but you'd definitely make a few quid for yourself."

He then went into detail about how to make a 'delicious chicken fried rice,' handed down to him by his mail order bride from Uganda, so it wasn't a completely lost cause.

7 comments:

Susan at Stony River said...

Aaw. Bless.

But I'll admit it DOES leave me screaming that with electric toothbrushes, electric razors, curling tongs and the like, there are NO outlets in bathrooms here. Other countries have them. But then yeah, other countries have instructure beyond their damn capital city too. D'oh.

Sorry.
I'm just cranky and sad tonight. Honestly, what can you write about that subject? "It sucks that we can't have outlets" just doesn't take that long to say.

So how's the chicken fried rice go?

And how's the writing?

Terence McDanger said...

I have a certain degree of sympathy with the taxi driver here. I HATE buying an appliance and finding a two-pin plug on it and then having to go off and get an adapter.

There's little chance of me committing it to journalism though, it's not THAT important.

Was Q102 on the radio?

ieatmypigeon said...

"Delicious Recipes from Mail Order Brides." There's your article.

Radge said...

Susan - I had pasta instead. The rice was too much effort. And the writing is fitful.

Terence - No. Ken Early.

IEMP - Bingo!

Terence McDanger said...

The Love Zone with Ken Earley.

You gotta diversify in this recession.

Holemaster said...

Serves him right for using an electric shaver.

Radge said...

Terence - I hate (love) to be pedantic, but it's Early in this case. I know. I'm a cock.

Holemaster - Not a fan myself.