Monday, July 27, 2009

It's just a fucking toilet seat

I don't get it. I feel like I should, like I've been asleep through some seismic piece of world shattering opprobrium and I've just woken up but nobody's letting me in on it.

No Sky News. No radio in the flat. The newspaper stands are empty. The internet connection is down, except it clearly isn't. I'm trying to be metaphorical, and topical, and I don't do either well.

But did I miss something?

'Shop opens. Country wets self.'

I am convinced we had furniture before the latest Viking invasion. I'm fucking certain of it. Not only that, but apparently it's all flat-pack, stuff you have to put together on your own time. Sounds like a lot of effort to me.

"But it's cheap."

"So is Bargaintown, where you won't have to fend off the 3,000 people passing through the doors in the first hour of trading."

"But... but..."

"But nothing."

All of that being said, if it manages to put Harvey fucking Norman out of business, then foist me on a perfectly appointed, build-it-yourself chaise longue and carry me aloft to Ballymun.

10 comments:

Red Leeroy said...

Ahh yeah but do Bargaintown have meatballs?

Radge said...

If they do, I don't wish to partake.

Andrew said...

Amen to that, brother. Did you see all the muppets on the TV with the Swedish flag painted on their faces?

I guess it's a triumph of marketing. I fucking hate marketing.

Radge said...

I didn't Andrew, thank fuck. I would have harmed my already broken TV if I had seen it.

Andrew said...

Yeah, quite the crowd. I hadn't known that methadone comes in flat pack form.

Holemaster said...

15,000 BC: Man hunts for food and lives to 30.
2,000 AD: Man injects poison into veins and lives to 20.

the broken down barman said...

quality holemaster. quality.

ieatmypigeon said...

I've been poor as well as style, meatball, and angry mob-hungry for years so I always wet myself any time an IKEA is mentioned. There I go again. I hope you're happy.

Holemaster said...

There's a warehouse in Laois where you can practise shopping in IKEA. It costs €50 and they show you how to shop effectively in only two hours. They reckon they can save you €100 and two hours on an IKEA visit.

Radge said...

IEMP - Yes that was a formidable sentiment indeed.

Holemaster - I'm sure I read about it on The Onion.