Sunday, July 19, 2009

Excerpt: New York, baby!

I reckon I could write chick lit. I've never read a trashy book-on-a-beach-turn-your-brain-off kind of 'novel' because, well, I'm testically endowed but I believe I could take a stab at it and make some proper bank.

= = =

Roisín in Avoca, the usual spot. She'll probably be late because she's a silly bitch but I love her, tardiness or not.

I take my usual seat and give a wink to Ramon, the hottie Spanish waiter who gives us extra bread rolls and knowing glances from the kitchen. He's young, maybe 23 or 24, too young for me but after the month I've had I figure there's no harm in a bit of innocent flirting.

After 15 minutes I've nearly finished my sparkling water when Roisín breezes in.

"I'm SO sorry I'm late," she says, kissing me in her best off-hand manner. Mwah. Mwah. "Disaster last night at pilates. Seriously, disaster. Kate never showed up so it was just me and the other two. My arse is in bits!"

"Oh Roisín, you're a fucking disaster girl."

She peruses the menu.

"Is Ramon working? He's SO cute. What I wouldn't do..."

"Oh leave him you bitch, he's so mine."

I wonder if she'll notice the slight sadness in my voice. I've been burned and I know she thinks I'm over it, over him, but I'm not.

"I think I'll have the sea bream and the mustard mash. Fuck it, the diet can wait, it's not every day I get to meet my favourite girl."

Roisín can be such a sweetheart. I begin to cry.

"Oh honey, what's wrong? You can't hide it from me. I know you like the back of my hand."

"It's nothing... I'm just hormonal."

"No, it's so not that. Tell me..."

I tell her everything. How Bryan called over last night, spouting the usual shit about being a free spirit but never wanting to hurt me. About how he ploughed me with Chablis and told me he'd bring me to Paris, or Barcelona, or wherever I wanted.

I tell her how we made love and, as soon as we were done, he put on his jeans and t-shirt and said he had an early start in the morning. Meetings, fucking meetings. Always the meetings in the morning. I tell her how he said he'd call me, and how he did that fingers to his lips thing, mocking a phone call, which I fucking hate.

I tell her how I texted him at 5am, telling him I needed him and that I hoped he was being true about going away. I tell her how, when he didn't respond, I rang his phone and SHE answered.

"Oh my darling, you need to lose that loser. You really do. We'll plan a girly weekend, how does New York sound?"

"New York?"

"Yeah, baby, I'll get on to Maddy and we'll so sort it for next week! We need to get you out of here. We need an adventure. We need New York."

Ramon comes over with our food, and he notices my smile.

"You look very pretty today, Miss."

"Oh Ramon, stop, you're making me blush."

= = =

It's going to be, like, such a fucking page-turner.

16 comments:

Niamh B said...

Love that line "I know you like the back of my hand" - so evocative of the deep friendship that these women share - brilliant piece...

Radge said...

I'm off to buy the latest Cathy Kelly.

Mark G. said...

He ploughed her with Chablis? Sounds more like Chuck Palahniuk, that line.

Pig said...

Maddy eh?! I knew you never forgot her...

Holemaster said...

Unquitoutofable. If Amy Huberman can do it, so can you.

Anto said...

Lol. You've got a talent for it.

aileen said...

I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


Susan

http://toddlergirls.net

Meadow said...

'I've never read a trashy book-on-a-beach-turn-your-brain-off kind of book because, well, I'm testically endowed.'

I couldn't read past this line. I was too annoyed, Mr Radge!

Radge said...

If it was the repetition, I apologise, and I amended it pre-comment Meadow.

In general, I annoyed myself with this one. Karen Koster would buy it though.

Meadow said...

Nah, that wasn't it. But, true, she might have to review it for her show. Although, from what I remember from my 'research', she has a Masters in English Lit from Trinity.

Sarah Gostrangely said...

HA! Perfect! A little less "bitch"in' though, I think.

I like SO want to peruse the rest of your like novella.

Nice one! ( i lurve chicklit, obv)

Kath Lockett said...

I'd buy it mate!

The Hangar Queen said...

Step. Away. From. The. Keyboard!

If I get a clean shot I'm going to take it Radge.

I'm sorry.

Radge said...

Hangar Queen - I deserve said punishment.

Sarah - 'obv'?? Please let that be said in irony!

Kath - But what about my reputation?

aileen said...

I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


Susan

http://toddlergirls.net

Maimie said...

God Radge - think you have been pretending to be a guy all along. Inciteful this piece. Guess you're just in touch with your feminine side. Keep writing, want to know what happens next. And I thought you'd never realise your full potential!!