Thursday, June 25, 2009

The king of slop

Michael Jackson is, at the time of writing, probably maybe definitely dead.

His glove designer, his official photographer, his hair shiner, his dog walker, his childhood best friend's other best friend, his milkman, his nipple tweaker, his Uri Geller and 17 Fox News reporters have been on expressing their sadness at the demise of the oftimes singer, sometimes performer and nevertimes pederast.

Oh mercy.

Meanwhile, not one media helicopter has circled my flat wondering why I haven't been seen outside since my trip to Spar at 6pm. Not one. There hasn't been one report of my demise on Newsnow. Not one. No lovely ladies wailing at my gate. Not a fucking one. And I can't tell you the last time a candlelight vigil was held in my honour.

I'll be having a strongly worded conversation with Max Clifford.

5 comments:

Meadow said...

Have I missed something? Was it actually you who had the highest selling album of all time? I must need to update my music collection.

Holemaster said...

"I turned over and touched him and he was stone cold dead"

Said 10 year old Simon from Nebraska.

Radge said...

Not the highest, no, but 'The Fairfield Road Sessions' was Finland's 18th biggest seller of 1998, including such hits as 'Gone, Beverage' and 'Everyone Else Is An Idiot.'

Do your research, Meadow.

Holemaster - Irrereverent.

adogwoof said...

Well, he got himself out of having to do those fifty London gigs anyway...

Maxi Cane said...

You're wrong, if you turn to page 5 of the Mullingar Advertiser it reads ....

"Worry as blogger disappears following Spar visit"

You have to look for it though, it's under the word jumble.