Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Face value

We hate to be taken at face value, we Irish.

We do. I don't know if it's a defining national characteristic, but it's something that has just occurred to me and I've yet to pick it apart in any meaningful way, to turn the truth of it to bullshit.

Having dropped a tantalising little piece of exposition, we hate nothing more than when the other person comes back with, "Oh right. Would you like some tea?"

"No I fucking wouldn't like tea. Clearly what I just told you is an absolute fabrication. Dig further you imbecile and I might just tell you some truth. I may lie to you further but it'll be a whole lot more interesting than sitting here talking about Brian fucking Lenihan."

"Please. Strong. Small drop of milk. No sugar."

"Pink wafer?"

"Pink fucking wafer? What??? Would ya get to be fucked! I want a fucking a Viscount biscuit and now you've made me repeat the indefinite article such is my bile you complete fucking cretinbag. Now, please ask me what I really meant before..."

"Yeah. Go on then. Just one mind. I'm watching my weight."

"I wonder what's on telly."

"Do you mean to tell me that when I off-handedly said I had met someone, she piqued my interest and I would like to maybe, possibly see her again but am busy with work and not that bothered... Well, you believed that shit? You didn't seek to pick apart my veneer of indifference. Ask me questions! Jesus! Do you know me at all???"

"More budget stuff. Fucking dodgy box is fucked. Fuck sakes. Fucking Brian Dobson again."

"Stop cursing."

"Oh fuck off."

"Oh fuck off."

18 comments:

Red Leeroy said...

radge, I bet if I offered you a pint it wouldn't play out like this ?

Radge said...

Red - You would soon find that, pint administered, I am an issueless man.

Conan Drumm said...

Man seeks cha(lle)nge?

adogwoof said...

One double gin & a pint of Guinness for Radge please.
One significant swig of the stout and toss in the gin.
Two vast swigs of this cocktail.
Radge is now sorted, for a minute or two.

Radge said...

Conan - Man seeks breakfast.

AG - Sounds death defying.

Susan said...

Ooo, I would love a pink wafer. Thank you.

Meadow said...

Wafer or not, sometimes we just have say what we actually mean.

Some people are simply not very...

PRyin said...

"So how's the relationship?"

"Ah, yeah... grand... yeah... fine I guess."
(Meaning "Dig! Dig! I need to get something off my chest! Please prompt and prod on this issue!")

"You sure? You sound a bit..."

"Ah no, yeah. Grand. It's great. Sure."
(Meaning - same as above.)

"Oh that's good."

*forlorn* "Yeah, it is. Yep, great stuff, sure."
(Meaning "You ignorant selfish prick".)

Radge said...

Susan - Pauper's biscuit. We'll all be eating them soon.

Meadow - ...curious?

PRyin - Same hymnsheet. Yes.

Holemaster said...

We don't like the issues us Irish because we all have them.

Niamh B said...

Arrah you'll be grand - just bottle it all up there till it gets too much to bear...
Lucky you have the blog as an emotional outlet eh?

Radge said...

Holemaster - I hope I haven't Oprah-cized my own blog.

Niamh - Nah, I'm sunnier than this entry might attest (I hope).

NaRocRoc said...

There's a fine line between Oprah-cized and Oprah-sized. Just be careful with that one there Radge.

Gypseysdog said...

It's because, at least for men, teatime isn't the appropriate forum for discussing such matters. There are pubs for this sort of thing, where the truth will always out. Although, from what I hear about this Crispy Crunch over there fewer people are going and the bars are starting to close. So, you're fucked. I've no answers for you.

Radge said...

5X - I refuse to stand by this post, in hindsight. I set out to make a thoroughly different point to the one that came out.

hope said...

Listening, truly listening, is a dying art. Pity really.

I hate tea. I'd rather know what's on your mind. Spill it. :)

Radge said...

Hope - I never knew tea was something that could draw such hatred. As for my mind, ah, nothing...

Meadow said...

...interested. I blame it on TV. But I blame a lot on TV.