It seems all I'm doing lately is refuting tabloid tattle and headless gossip from the press. First of all I was reported as being Ewan McGregor's 'stunt cock' on the set of Trainspotting - a story utterly without foundation that I've struggled to dissociate myself from for nigh on 15 years - and now we have these rumours of bedtime trysts with Penelope Cruz.
The Irish Daily Mirror carried a short article some weeks back stating that "the Spanish actress had recently sought succour in the arms of Irish blogging guru Radge, and the pair shared intimate dinners together in the remote County Kerry town of Dingle while staying with close personal friends of the online diarist."
The picture they published was a grainy effort, obviously photoshopped, and seemed to evidence a clinch between myself and Penny. Well, believe none of what you read and less of what you see.
Yes, I have enjoyed a close friendship with Penny for a number of years now. We met on Gothika - I was executive producer on a fright of a production and she was the star of the film.
That time was a difficult one in Penny's life, as she had recently ended her relationship with her superstar boyfriend Maverick Thunder.
Yes, we did have a brief flirtation and yes, that did flower into a series of comfort calls and sizzling Latin bedroom exhibitionism.
I ended my dalliance with Penny when she fell for another co-star, Matthew McConahockey, but we stayed in touch through text messages and emails.
I won't go into the details of my arrest on Hallowe'en night 2007 but what I will say is that Penny saved me from myself in that difficult time. Our friendship - theretofore borne of unspoken sexual frisson - became more profound, a deep bond that lasts to this day.
We are not, nor have ever been, a couple. These salacious little snippets may sell papers and I understand that my life is of interest to a wide and varied public.
I can take this but Penny is a sensitive little sexcat so please, ye scribes, suck out your marrow elsewhere because bottom feeding on one of the cornerstone friendships in my life is neither big nor clever.