Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Review: He's Just Not That Into You

Yeah, right.

I'd rather have my balls massaged with a handful of sharded glass.

Gordon Brown is on television, all impressive combover and blame-apportioning.

George Pascal Watson of The Sun has just asked him if he has any words of encouragement for Jade Goody?

Brown wishes her well and knows that the whole country will be worried and anxious about her health. Not the economy. Not the noises coming from North Korea. Not the fact that one of his stealthy little submarines bumped uglies with the French (alors!).

I can feel it coming. The public wailing. The live coverage of the funeral. The comparisons with Diana. The tributes from Davina McFuckingCall. From Graham Norton. The endless repetitions of her best moments on E4 and Living TV. The appearance of her new husband on Celebrity Big Brother. The OK! magazine interview with Shilpa Shitty Sic. The posthumous doctorates!

She'll get them all.

Her primary achievement? Sitting in a garden, shouting. Twice.

I feel unusual. I think I should go outside.


adogwoof said...

Yeah, the Prime Minister should be concentrating on getting more transport helicopters to UK troops in Afghanistan where his country's quiet heroes are needlessly being killed by roadside bombs.

Red Leeroy said...

Ahh your in a park and your practically dead.

Is is bad that the first thing I thought when I heard she had cancer was that it was a publicity stunt?

Meadow said...

Phew, I was worried for a moment that you were REALLY sick...

Jade. Pin up girl for stupidity. Not her own, those who need her. It’s sad for someone so young to die, even if all they were good for was shouting incoherently in a garden. It’s not her personally who pisses me off, so much as the reasons our society seems to need her (and her ilk). There’s another one lined up to take her place, I’m sure.

I’m pensive today. Can I have a mint viscount?

Conan Drumm said...

Ennui, innit.

Anonymous said...

It was only a matter of time before you mentioned her. I actually came on to this blog specifically to check. I understand your annoyance at Gordon Brown (twat), but being a woman, I must say that her demise is actually very sad. In an ironic way it's moved a lot of women to go for smear tests over the last few months (figures up by 20%). That, in itself, is enough reason for her illness to be publicised.

Oh, and 'alors' has one l.

You'll know who this is.

Radge said...

AG - You should be a politico.

Red - I thought so too, at first. She had form in that regard.

Meadow - You nailed it. And come right over but bring milk. I'm all out.

Conan - It in.

Radge said...

Anonymous - Points all taken. For what it's worth, I do feel sorry for her kids and for her. I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone.

What I've always had a problem with is what she represents. In fact, Meadow put it better in her comment than I managed in the piece itself. It's the fact that people who stand for all that is vacuous get mainstream media coverage to the point where it's hard to differentiate between genuine achievement and artifice.

And thankfully I have the power to edit out my typos. Fuckin' French teachers!

Conan Drumm said...

What I detest is the space / time that is given over to it. It's classic 'bread and circuses' distraction from issues that affect far more people - although I see the positives in increased awareness of cervical cancer.

Anonymous said...

It's that cretin Max Clifford I despise moreso. What a shitfaced piece of vermin he is. He has become publicist to the 13 year old lad who has (or now might not have) gotten some 15 year old slag up the duff. C'mon. He represents a large part of what is wrong with the world and our ever diminishing perspective on what's good and righteous.

Vermin I tell you , vermin!

Meadow said...

It's kind of like the chicken and the egg, I think - which was first?

Are the likes of Clifford, the Sun, reality TV shows like Celebrity Blah etc., feeding a demand that's there, or creating that demand?

If it's creating, that's less of a concern in a way, as demand can be influenced.

If it's feeding, then we're fucked.

I think it's feeding. It's always been there, just more twisted and prevalent these days owing to the technologies of our times.

Sigh... I really need that viscount. See you in an hour, Radge.

NaRocRoc said...

Meadow I hear he's partial to having his balls massaged with a handful of sharded glass. That must be worth a mint Viscount or two right?

Radge said...

Thanks to everyone. Cheered me up no end, knowing that we're all basically fucked thanks to Clifford and his ilk.

Vermin? Vermin.

Meadow. I'll leave the gate open.

NaRorRoc - You can hide in the wardrobe.

NaRorRoc said...

Thanks Rarge.

Maimie said...

God Radge, this all smacks of intellectual snobbery to me. Leave the poor girl alone. I think she has achieved lots in her life. She came from total dysfunction and coped in her own way. She is a good mother who is, even now, securing her children's future. She recognises the need to afford them that denied to her. We shouldn't all be judged by our achievements - weeks ago Seanie Fitzpatrick would have been hero worshipped - sometimes our heart can illustrate far more good that is good about us.

Meadow said...

Yeah, 'thanks', Radge.

Radge said...

I was expecting this, Maimie.

This was intended more as a criticism of the culture bred by Big Brother, Max Clifford et al than as a personal attack.

I don't think I should be prohibited from this criticism - as opposed to intellectual snobbery - because she had the misfortune to get sick.

It is a terrible shame for her two kids and for her loved ones, and if it helps those with cervical cancer then her death will have done some good, but I still feel she'll be held up as some sort of martyr despite just being famous for having a camera follow her around.

Meadow said...

Well said.

Oh, I don't need to post that as I'm here now.

Wow, nice fridge magnet!

Gypseysdog said...


Sarah Gostrangely said...

What a lovely line,

"I feel unusual".


Sarah Gostrangely said...


Just read Maimie's comment.

Your ma's totally telling you off Radge.

Nice one Maimie. Live and let live etc.

Radge said...

5X - Former Big Brother contestant turned (better not post derogatory remark because...)

...she told me, Sarah. She told me good. Then I told her.

Kath Lockett said...

I think I'm rather proud to be asking, "Who the f**k is Jade Goody?"

Radge said...

Kath - refer to the previous remark and, please, all expletives must be asterisk-free. I'm afraid I have to insist. There's a red light for a reason.

hope said...

What Kath said....with or without **.

My guess is yet another whose fifteen minutes of fame for doing nothing to aid mankind should've been up a long time ago?

Holemaster said...

Radge, I see where your writing skill comes from.

I'm turning off the TV, radio, etc when the Goody coverage comes on. It's party because of my own experience recently which naturally still frightens me but also because I just can't bear it. I can't watch these people around her who pour guilty praise on her for being a person.

swiss said...

uk celebrity culture, for that is what it is, cue much gnashing of teeth as if it hasn't been with us since the invention of the newspaper. something to look down on for the guardian readers amongst us. just like the hand wringing. two sides of the same coin.

what a shame for jade goody. so obviously stupid, so obviously working class and so conveniently, a woman.

i feel sorry for her same i'd feel sorry for anyone suffering from a shit disease. and if she becomes a cipher for the nation's attitude to dying well i'm all for that discussion.

and at the very least she's stated she wants her disease to be an example. especially for those 20% of uk women, the majority of whom reside in her social group, who don't or won't go for cervical smears. if she succeeds in that intent then she deserves all credit.

as for the rest, if a person can;t switch off the tv they can hardly complain about what's on

Radge said...

Hope - I should have added an exclamation point in my reply to Kath. I'm not stern. And something like that, yes.

Holemaster - She'll be happy you said that! And definitely a reminder you could do without.

Swiss - This is all true. It's no recent phenomenon. I can see the ultimate good that can come from this.

Conan Drumm said...

Sorry Radge, have to take Maimie up on this statement: "weeks ago Seanie Fitzpatrick would have been hero worshipped"

Worshipped by who? The only people who worshipped Seanie were people he was giving sham loans to, or people who held sham-value shares in his bank.

Everyone else knew he was a wide-boy with access to some important ears, a 21st century version of Des Traynor.

Anonymous said...

Eh, why do people give a fucK? Thousands of people in similiar situations every year, thousands of people with reasons to be respected, thousands of people who have children, who behave with dignity, who take the time to find out an Indian's surname rather than rant and then cry to the News of the World that they are not racist, who live their lives in a great way that does not interest the stupid part of society. And those thousands of people still suffer from cancer. Those people deserve sympathy, those people deserve a second chance, those people deserve a miracle. But all people give a fuck about is....