Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Apply within.

Polarising musical interludes aside, I'm here and I'm dealing with the onset of a headcold. You know the one - itchy all over but nowhere specific, sweating and chills, sniffles and shakes. Fuck sakes.

The early rising didn't help. I coughed out of bed before 7 for an early shift. One cup of Berocca later and I was nicely placebo'd, doling out the League of Ireland news at a rate of two or three a day.

Checking email here and there, wondering about Red's beard, greeting Terence, gassing about until 4pm and the bus home.

I sit now in the dark with the sheer white blast of the 'Create' page playing havoc with my senses, blogging about fuck all interesting because these are the only words that will come.

Anyone up for the job of 'muse'?

Applicants will require a sharp wit, an evasive nature, a calming quality, a pair of breasts and the capacity to drink red wine.

Short cover letter to the stated address.

24 comments:

Conan Drumm said...

Can't help you out there, no mammaries, lonely.ie perhaps?

Radge said...

Mercy no, Conan. I said 'muse,' not trixybelle87 from Newcastlewest.

Maxi Cane said...

I'll do it.

I have breasts, a nice pert c cup.

I have the wit of a sex offender and the creativity of a bankers book keeper.

What's the pay?

Radge said...

Maxi - After the beard rash you left me with last time, there's no fucking way I'm going down... that road again.

€40k per annum, by the way, plus sponge baths and the occasional Viscount biscuit as bonus.

Terence McDanger said...

You had me at Polarising, you had me, sigh, at polarising.

NaRocRoc said...

Damn lack of breasts foils me again. If you can give me an advance I can sort it by lunchtime Thursday. That too late?!?

Conan Drumm said...

Jesus, are the trixybelles up to 87 now?!

Radge said...

Narocroc - OK, but no extensions.

Conan - Now with added devil horns.

Red Leeroy said...

you really are sick, feverish in fact.

You don't remember that gent in the US who had a tit job for a bet, won 45K off his mates, kept the knockers too, he said the ladies liked em. Bastard never left the house again.

I am too lazy to find a picture - http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_95989.html

Red Leeroy said...

ok i lied, i am not too lazy - http://www.videosift.com/video/Man-gets-breast-implants-on-a-bet

Anonymous said...

Them's attractive terms and conditions, would look good on my cv too - but how to apply and still demonstrate evasive nature? Real muses don't apply for jobs, you have to find them yourself. Damnit.
What are the hours like?

Radge said...

Anonymous - You'll be on call on a constant basis, but I feel the remuneration package will more than compensate for any time demands.

Radge said...

Oh, and Terence - down boy.

Oh, and Red - I knew I shouldn't have trusted you. Chilling.

B said...

I get the muse thing actually

I've two friends(not even close friends) and one of my brothers, and 75% of my posts come from talking to the 3 of them... just jump into my head when they're around, might have nothing to do with the chat

Z said...

I am a Muse with considerable experience, not to mention breasts (but they aren't very considerable breasts. Anyway. Moving swiftly on). You would have to submit a poem before consideration of mused-upon-worthiness, and I assume remuneration would consist of mutually beneficial headfucks.

Kath Lockett said...

If you don't find a suitable pair of breasts capable of ingesting gallons of the red jolly juice then....

....if you're really desperate for blogging inspiration.....

.... blow into your tissue....

... and open it.

I *Swear* you'll have plenty to write about.

Radge said...

Z - Quite the proposition. Poetry's a bit of a stretch but given time...

Kath - It came out looking like Greenland.

Sarah Gostrangely said...

Hmm, I always wanted to be someone's muse.

Namely some hot Ab-Ex painter with misogynistic tendencies.

So maybe not Radge, why not put an ad in de Herald?

hope said...

This is my week for falling just short of job requirements. :) I was doing pretty good until I got to the red wine part. Then again, that would mean you got the whole bottle of wine, wouldn't it?

Ah well, perhaps you truly prefer to just hear us whine when you don't offer us words to live by...or at least um...interesting adventures. ;)

Feel better!

Radge said...

B - Sounds like an interesting bunch.

Sarah - You've given me an idea. Not the Herald, mind.

Hope - I've run out of quotable interesting adventures. All the good stuff would get me in trouble. I added, tantalisingly.

Meadow said...

Oh dear, keep on the Berocca and hope you feel better tomorrow...

So much hinges on the Viscount, Radge. What flavour?

Radge said...

Mint, Meadow. Orange does nothing for me.

adogwoof said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
adogwoof said...

I know it's signed T Humphries,
but are you its real author?!


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