Sunday, January 11, 2009

Then I...

While my almost-empty bottle of Eternity remains intact, the ceramic rim of my toilet took an awful shattering on Friday afternoon. I dropped the former on the latter, you see, and was surprised to see the damage inflicted.

Fucking massive chunks of former toilet on the floor.

Then I flushed it to see what would happen. Deluge.

Then I mopped it up with a towel that stinks like fuck now. It's in the utility room going rank as I type.

Then I took the only respectable course of action left to me. I went into town and got drunk.

Then I came home, pissed in the garden under cover of darkness, and sent a text message.

Then I uncorked a bottle of Faustino V.

Then I...

25 comments:

Dot-Com said...

Faustino V is good. Not a bad choice at all :-)

narocroc said...

Why in the name of Bielzebub did you flush it?!?

Radge said...

Couldn't stop myself. Like when you're told the plate is too hot... You have to touch it.

adogwoof said...

Are you Flush?

Conan Drumm said...

Of course you had to flush it.

Radge said...

Adogwoof - Are you insane?

Conan - Of course.

Red Leeroy said...

Dear Sir, When something breaks accidentally, I break other stuff with rage to compensate. Therefore the flushing amused me. Yours etc.

Elmo said...

You use Eternity?!?!

Ya big benny!

Radge said...

Red - If it ain't broke, break it.

Elmo - Present from the elder.

Terence McDanger said...

**Contented sigh**

Conan Drumm said...

Of course Radge, if you were in a "Please put the seat down after you" situation, it would never have happened.

Radge said...

Terence?

Conan - Toilet seat's been broken for an age, landlord never fixed it. Had it been there, I wouldn't be in this predicament... Groan...

Terence McDanger said...

I knew I'd read a blog about it before too long ya daft goat, I'm not getting turned on at the thought of your toilet or anything.

Your manky towel does nothing for me either.

B said...

was there anything in the toilet when you flushed it?

cos if there wasn't, isn't it only water that'd go everywhere?

Radge said...

Terence - your list of turn-ons does concern me.

B - Just water. Thank fuck.

Sarah Gostrangely said...

Then you what??

Downed the Eternity, doused yourself in the Spanish king, and slept on the couch?

Calvin would be proud.

Radge said...

Shared my wine. But not my aftershave.

Elmo said...

"Present from the elder."

Oh, okay - fair enough.
........
........
........
........
........
...(benny).

Radge said...

Elmo, time to blog. Chop chop.

Maxi Cane said...

Then I...

... did your ma.

Nice.

Radge said...

Homewrecker.

Anonymous said...

Toilets look pretty sturdy alright but they're not. I witnessed the demolition of a toilet as people clambered over it to escape upstairs through the secret passage. Yep and yes we were.

Holemaster said...

Damn, how'd that happen?

Tuesday Kid said...

I hope the text message was one you'd send when sober.

Radge said...

Actually, was not one I'd send sober.