Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Territorial musings.

With my toilet still knackered I procured a key from the property manager for the empty flat upstairs, all ablutive purposes taken care of but in a very makeshift way.

Not ideal for the middlenight pissings, but my ban on all drinks post 10pm have seen me through the night unwakened so far. Tom the plumber is calling tomorrow morning between the hours of 10.30am and 11.30am, so hopefully he'll have shown up by March and I can put this whole shambolic, rim-smashing episode behind me.

So, the flat upstairs.

I was always curious about it and its former inhabitant, a rather sexy Polish sort by the name of Babooshka or something. We never spoke, we'd only awkwardly gesture at the washing machine from time to time but I would have, like, given the chance.

I'd hear noises when she lived there. THOSE noises.

I'd match her thrust for thrust in the squeaking stakes, and became inventive with a stash of helium to maintain the illusion, once my singlehood was redeemed. I assumed her bed was situated directly over mine, a similar lay-out in her flat to my own, the lack of sound-proofing the window to wonderings about how long she could go on and on and on...

She'd smoke out the window as I'd leave my flat, I'd salute and assume it was post-coital given the undulating torrents of whackery just minutes before.

Not so, it turns out, not so.

Upon receipt of the key to this newly abandoned sex den, I had a good look around and noted that the bed was situated in the corner of the living space, like the shittiest of student bedsits and nothing like my two-room palace. Her bed over my living room, yes, but a good ten metres from the spot above my head as I'd sleep.

North of my cot? The bathroom I now frequent to do my quiet business.

This has caused me to wonder, and look, and wonder again while sitting aprop her former pisspot - what the fuck was she doing with that showerhead?

20 comments:

Susan said...

Must be some showerhead...and some creative sort of girl. Maybe you should have said hello a bit more.

Good luck with the Toilet Man.

adogwoof said...

Bring a Polish dictionary and your goggles up there, and take a shower for her dude; listen to the water, to what it's confessing, and the truth may well become clear...

Radge said...

I am hoping for as little hassle as possible, Susan. I don't do well with hassle.

AG - beer.

red leeroy said...

what was she doing with the shower head? Singing "I made it through the rain" by Barry Manilow of course.

Radge said...

A forgotten classic, that, Red.

Gypseysdog said...

Mon nom est Luka
J'habite au second étage
Je vis au dessus de vous
- Oui je crois que vous m'avez vu avant

Si vous entendez quelque chose tard dans la nuit
Une sorte de désordre, une sorte de combat
Surtout ne me demandez pas ce que c'était
Surtout ne me demandez pas ce que c'était
Surtout ne me demandez pas ce que c'étaaaiiit

Radge said...

5X - that final c'étaaaiiit floored me good.

Terence McDanger said...

"undulating torrents of whackery"

T'is gold I tells ya. That's cut out and keep, up there with genital husbandry and no messing.

narocroc said...

Did you give it a good sniff?

Radge said...

Terence - I got genital husbandry from the telly, but this one is all my own. (Pats self on back.)

Narocroc - That's not all I did.

the broken down barman said...

herbal essences.
u must have seen the advert
gonna go and get some right now.

Radge said...

Let me know how that works out for you, Barman.

Conan Drumm said...

You double up as Dennis Hopper doing a bit of the blue velveting, eh?

Radge said...

Conan - when I'm not blogging, yes.

Holemaster said...

I have a French couple downstairs and a very horny couple upstairs. I have ear plugs.

Maxi Cane said...

Give me your address.

Immediately.

Radge said...

Holemaster - Surround sound. Nice.

Maxi Cane - She's gone. Just me and my memories.

sinfulorigamipaper said...

Mistaken sex noises are my speciality too Radge, maybe I need to get my hearing checked.

And, from what I know, it won't matter to Maxi that she's gone!

Radge said...

My thinking exactly, Gray. And that Maxi is an awful card altogether. A divil.

Holemaster said...

I think Maxi was looking for my address so here it is...

Cell 4, Landing A, Cloverhill Prison, Dublin 22.