'Jesus I'm locked. I went to the pub tonight with two people you've never met and nor are you likely to meet. I drank nine pints of some piss you don't care about and bumped into four more people you'd pass on the street without stopping.
'Then a dreadful pun happened, and the whole thing ended with an in-joke that will be funny to both of you reading this.
'By the way, I saw that film and she was deadly in it. You know who I'm talking about because I just spoke to both of you about her earlier on. But how could I have spoken to you if we've never met? That's what you implied in your first paragraph when you said the thing about the people you... Oh forget it, not only have used two consecutive contractions, but now I'm jumping from the first person to the second person singular and back to the first again.'
I had cause to look over my old posts today, creating as I was a list of random posts at the side.
Christ I was shit. You'd hardly recognise me because I'm a fucking champ now.