Monday, December 29, 2008

The phone.

Oftentimes I'm prone to a great stupidity.

Witness last night. Went out for Owen's birthday to Bowes, got hammered and had a burger afterwards. Breaking my body for the last time this year, I should have shown more temperance but the shindig took over.

I don't remember getting home, or going to bed, or what happened between. No memory.

I woke up this morning with the fear. The worst fear I've known in a long time. I knew I'd been sending texts but could not recall to whom or the content. Fuck fuck.

I couldn't find my phone, looked all over, nothing. Nothing. Fuck. What did I...? Fuck.

I went into town to buy a new phone and block the old one. I sat down to have a coffee and turn on my new mobile, but couldn't get the back off to put in the battery. Fuck.

I went to HMV to spend a voucher and then back to the Vodafone shop. "I can't open this piece of shit phone you sold me an hour ago."

He sorted it in seconds. I put in the battery and SIM card and waited for the post-mortem texts to come my way, like the lad in the Diageo ad whose friends text him, saying, "you really fucked up last night" or some such.

Nothing beeped except for Owen telling me that Steven Gerrard had been arrested for assault.

I got the bus home, made another coffee, put in all the numbers I could remember and kept wondering who I'd been texting last night. Was it her? Shit. Was it her?

Then, all hope vanished, I found the phone I thought I'd lost, charging up under a mess of clothes on my bedroom floor. I switched it on, checked the Sent Items, and held my breath...

22 comments:

gimme a minute said...

The fuck is this, Sapphire and Steel?

Let's go with the ending.

Radge said...

I know how you love the open endings, Gimme... Worse than a question.

OK, OK, I didn't fuck up. The paranoia unfounded.

Susan said...

Whew. Congratulations on the non-fuck-up.

You, uh, gonna use that extra phone? 'Cause if it needs a new home, you know, always glad to help and all that...

And I hope you had a great time during the Fog last night.

narocroc said...

Oh Radge you're such a tease!

gimme a minute said...

I bet you did something else obscene with it, which your bamboozled brain can't recall.

Any bleeding?

Radge said...

Susan - you're welcome to it, though it has the lifespan of a terminally ill goldfish.

NaRocRoc - It's about the only mystique I can muster this weather.

Gimme - No blood. No tears. Just aches.

narocroc said...

Ah I'm all for a bit of mystique. I can't even muster a post at the moment, never mind anything vaguely intrigueing. Brain = post-Christmas mush.

narocroc said...

Intriguing / intrigueing?

I never can tell. They both look wrong.

hope said...

Geez, just when I was about to yell at you about leaving me hanging like that when I'm already out of breath from bronchitis. :)

May your paranoia RIP and not follow you into the new year. ;)

English Mum said...

Oh come on. That's just flippin' annoying. Did you?

Oh and can I have the phone now you don't need it?

English Mum said...

Note to self: must read other comments before writing. I see Susan's getting the phone and you didn't text her. Grrr.

Radge said...

English Mum - The next time this happens, it's yours.

NaRocRoc - Intriguing. And write something for the love of the interweb, I need ideas to steal.

Hope - Here's hoping.

narocroc said...

Tomorrow I promise!

Terence McDanger said...

I got too excited after the bit where you mentioned getting a new phone, I wasn't worth tuppence after that and couldn't read a thing.

Radge said...

Terence - I can't wait to show it to you. And the phone. Oik.

red said...

and....

Radge said...

The answer's in the comments, Red.

Gypseysdog said...

It's always a loathsome feeling that. The memory void married to the technology loss. However, it pales in comparison to the sad tale of my losing my ipod. Given that your loss never actually took place.
It's too early for me to consider getting out there, searching for a new one, putting a brave face on it. Maybe it always will be.

Radge said...

Gah, 5X, GAH!

The sheer hell of it. Still, seek another. There's nothing worse than having to listen to people on public transport, whether Irish or Parisien.

Gray Wright said...

I love the panic Radge. I have a unique talent for not sending fucking stupid texts when I'm drunk. Or at least if I do I triple check them for grammar and spelling.

Just once did I make the fuck up, just once. But she was drunk too so..

Radge said...

So you obviously got your....???

The grammar and spelling can never slip, Gray. Once that goes it's all over.

--V-- said...

Oh my! I am a TERRIBLE texter when I drink. I really should start hiding my phone. I mean...drunk dialing is bad enough. There's something worse about texts though. Probably because you have proof of your stupidity.