Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Faking it.

Bluffing and blogging. That's my life as I currently live it.

I have three classes left to give, only three, and I'm fucking delighted because I've filled them up with guest speakers and exercises. Hence I'm getting paid to sit a lot, bluff a little and interject in all the right places.

I talk a great journalist, all boundless enthusiasm and feature-writing savvy. The reality, between you and me, sees me sat in Setanta Towers loathing the barefaced screen in front of me. Every day.

Particularly gruesome are the 7am shifts. I did one yesterday. The sheer horror of it would kill a dead pig.

I don't tell the class this. "Get in there, follow my notes, and you'll be sitting one-on-one with Mourinho, sipping mojitos and accessing his mojo, before the year is out."

One of them mentioned yesterday he'd picked up the Setanta annual and failed to see any of my articles. I said I wrote under a pseudonym, 'Tom Humphries', and quickly directed him to shut the fuck up and give me five paragraphs on the vagaries of the transfer window.

That'll learn him.


Susan said...

"Loathing the Bare-faced Screen": there's your memoir title.

"The sheer horror of it would kill a dead pig." -- there's your front-cover blurb.

Yes, I think you're destined for greater things. (You and me both.)

Radge said...

I hope so Susan!

The 'dead pig' line is not mine, belongs to my very good friend Ollie. He's been known to look in on Radgery and can get litigious about such thing.

However, they do say that talent borrows and genius steals!

Radge said...

Things, even. Damn my pedantry.

Susan said...

Perfect---because it would have looked odd indeed to give yourself such a blurb.

Ollie it is!

Anonymous said...

Lesser artists borrow, great artists steal (Igor Stravinsky)
Bad artists copy. Good artists steal (Pablo Picasso)

Damn MY pedantry! But I wonder who borrowed/stole the quote from who?!?

red leeroy said...

don't the seven AM's have the advantage of finishing at 3 ?

Radge said...

Na Roc Roc - shouldn't it be 'from whom'?

Just to continue the theme, you understand!

This could get messy. And I will be looking into it, believe me.

Red - this is true. Only problem with Tuesday was my class starting at 6.30, so it was pointless going home. Had to hang around the office until 5. Cue unhappy thoughts.

hope said...

I'd make sure no one heard "cue unhappy thoughts" while Susan is writing your cover blurbs. Might hurt sales. ;)

Go ahead, publish a book. I dare you. That'll make me about the only blogger I read who hasn't published. Well, unpaid newspaper articles and the 3 year "volunteer" stint as a kid's magazine columnist don't count.

No, I'm not sniveling...that's my sinuses.

Radge said...

Challenge accepted, Hope!

red leeroy (unpublished) said...

It's the dream really.

Radge said...

Definitely, Red.

Kath Lockett said...

Well handled, dear Radge. If it comforts you at all, I wrote a book on work/life balance when, in reality, I had anything but.

Radge said...

I need to read that book, Kath. It would make a great Christmas present from me to me.

Kath Lockett said...

Well you're in LUCK Radge, because it's going to be released in the UK in January 2009.

Even the Germans are showing interest in having it translated....

Radge said...

Excellent work, Kath!