Monday, February 04, 2008

Literally, like, SO angrifying.

Frasier's on a loop on Paramount 2. Of such things great Monday mornings off are made. Have to tear myself away soon, lots to do, including the chasing down of a lost passport.

Right so, to the matter at hand. Been musing on the way we speak as a nation. Not me, mind, but those who have allowed the English language to become a bastardised version of itself, culled from America and so many hours spent watching, shudder, 'E'.

"I SO want to see that film." - Nothing grates on me more than this one. When did the word so, which relates to a certain degree, become a substitute for really? You SO shouldn't use this word in this context. It's, like, so wrong.

"It's, like, so wrong." - Here is another one. What does like add to this sentence, other than to delay the sentence just long enough that the dimwitted orator can let his or her brain catch up before the end of the sentence. Ironically, this does involve one of the correct uses of the word so.

"It was ironic the way he caught that ball." - No it fucking wasn't. There was no irony involved in plucking that football from mid-air. None. Irony is a "method of humorous or subtly sarcastic expression in which the intended meaning of the words is the direct opposite of their usual sense." Thank you

"Let's do a film some time" or "Let's do lunch some time." - Unless your preferred method of fornication involves making love to the innards of a camera, or gently straddling a pizza, leave this one alone. There are perfectly acceptable verbs to be used as substitutes here. "Watch" and "eat," neither of which is too testing and involves only one syllable.

"I literally wet myself." - Exercise bladder control. Literally.

"I TOTALLY didn't get what happened there." - JESUS CHRIST! This is even worse than the use of the largely redundant 'literally' and 'basically.' "Oh I'm glad you told me you TOTALLY didn't get it, because without the use of the word totally, I may have assumed you understood the event that has just occurred on some minor, even subliminal, level."

"Loser!" - Please pass me a noose.

"Whatever!" - Sorry, I'll rephrase - "What....EVERRRR!" - Used as a form of dismissal by our feeble minded friends, I have.... I mean.... I can't.... I just don't have the words. Now that's irony.


Gypseysdog said...

Might I add the once proud, but now shamed, word 'random' to this list? It should be revoked from people's vocabulary until such a time as they are responsible enough to use it correctly.

Dot-Com said...

Hmmm! Think I'll speak Danish from now on to avoid making any mistakes!