Email to Julianne on what really transpired in
I did end up married, as it happens. I was at the mass, all was going well and we were all concelebrating the union of Vik and Olivia. Communion came, and I saw this wild look in Johnny's eyes. I thought nothing of it, thinking it was just some minor mischief he was up to, and it would lead to laughter later.
Little did I presume the ordeal in store.
The priest administed the eucharist to me, and I recall thinking my Jesus cracker tasted a little off. Turned out Johnny had got his mate Gar to pose as a cleric, and 'spiked' the body of Christ with royhpnol.
I went back to the pugh to say my prayers, and began feeling a little woozy. I blacked out then into a dreamy fugue, and all I remember is Johnny saying something about finally getting his 'civil union' and that he'd now be entitled to 'half that fucker's DVD collection' and the 'Superquinn bag full of loose change he keeps in the top drawer of his desk.'
I finally came to at the top table. Vik and Olivia had long since departed - turns out their own 'marriage' was just an elaborate ruse - and Kev was giving his best man's speech at Johnny's side.
Aisling was very upset in the corner, she didn't know about any of this, and I was too groggy to do anything other than sit and smile and wonder what the hell had just happened. I'm just hoping against hope I can get an annulment.
Quiet weekend otherwise.