Saturday, December 31, 2005

Me Vs 5X

Having informed 5X of my new obsession, he decided to take the wind out of my sails thus...

"The brutal facts are :
You possess none of these qualities that this ***** would require -
The fancy apartment.
The high performance car.
The position of power.
The high salary.
The sense of competiveness.
The kids from a previous relationship.
The life seeming to be together.
Promise.
Ambition.
Athletic history that can be proved with trophys.
Combination skin.
I'm sorry to break it to you."

So I responded with...

"You speak the truth, but I do possess...
One tear stained pillow.
A sizeable gut.
A bleak sense of my own place in this universe, stuck somewhere between Milhouse and Paul Giamatti in his more hopeless and hapless roles.
A Creative Zen Sleek with 18 gig capacity.
Unconventional handwriting.
No ties.
No mortgage.
No babies.
A free travel card.
A notable scar on my skull.
A fine line in self deprecation.
Good teeth.
The ability to banter.
However, none of the above, I have discovered, is attractive to the opposite sex.
I'm a whizz in the pub but."

And he finished with...

"In an act of bastardry and maleness, I've decided to measure myself up against you -
You speak the truth, but I do possess...
Four deeply impacted and experienced pillows. Oh if they could talk, what tales they would tell...
A well defined and tone stomach.
Also, admittedly, a bleak sense of my own place in the universe, stuck somewhere between David Spade and Jason Shwartzman, in his only role.
A laptop filled with wonderful, zesty, original work that won't benefit from my lack of ambition and drive.
Unreadable handwriting.
No ties.
No mortgage.
No babies, I maintain.
No murderous petroleum-based transport . (End petroleum now!)
A interesting mystery scar on my leg.
A Cuddihy.
A rather nice cock, all told.
A taste for the cruder things in life.
Some of these things have helped me to get my end away.
Except for the Cuddihy."

My world, everybody...

1 comment:

Quinner said...

lads, this isn't the website for such personal trivia facts, you need to go on anotherfriend.com and be done with it.