Monday, July 25, 2005

The Radge Party

I'm getting together the new world order. The reason I'm doing this is to rid the world of stupidity, laziness of thought and Amanda Brunker*.

So without any further ado, the honours list.

Owen Cowzer - Minister For Drink:

A very important brief. I've admired Cowzer over the years for his increasing tolerance of liquor. The man can, I admit it, out-drink me and his position on the cabinet is very much tied in with his ability to keep the libations coming to his imperial conqueror - me.

John Fitzpatrick - Minister For Dog's Abuse:

Let's admit it, nobody hands down justice like Johnny. I will call on him to perform the "frowning of a lifetime" when the chickenheads try to rule the roost. He'll also run down a chav for no added charge.

Kevin Murphy - Minister For Groping:

No better man for this particular office. CRINGE as Kev makes yet another drunken fumble for the nearest piece of action. WINCE as his advances are met by a stern slap to the face. SYMPATHISE as he asks "where did it all go wrong, Radge? WHERE?"

Julianne McKeigue - Minister For Laughter:

Julianne has performed admirably in the laughter stakes for some time now. Belly laughs, sarcastic laughs, nervous laughs - the girl can run the whole gamut of mirth.

David Maher - Minister For Games:

Whether it's games of the heart, games of chance or games of Bumperball, David is king at trickery. Like trying to pick up mercury with a fork, David is a tough man to second guess. A political bulldog who, ironically, doesn't play games when it comes to the truth.

Finbar Brady - Minister For Smithwicks With A Guinness Head:

Tipple of the stars, there's no better man to dispense the aul black and tan than Finbar, an experienced ale drinkist.

Brian Kenny - Minister For Foreign Affairs:

Brian will be heading up our German office, scouring the fields of Frankfurt town to bring the ideals of the Radge Party to the Rhineland.

5X - Consiglieri:

Derek '5X' Fennell will be my right-hand man as I endeavour to rid this land of depression, disappointment and dismay. A seasoned thinker who's been pitching for a chomp at the big banana for some time now. A man whose time is imminent, he'll be head honcho one day.

More appointments will come as I see fit.

*Divvy.

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