Wednesday, October 27, 2004

No such thing as a quiet life.

I have decided to break my self-imposed 'don't talk about work' mandate. I am moved to a rant against the speaker phone.

Now, there are a couple of culprits. Basically, instead of lifting the receiver and checking their messages in the privacy of their own headspace, they press the loud speaker button and let the messages just blare out across the office.

I know I'm a "crotchety old fucker" (thank you Lord Brady) but why are we subjected to this noise pollution? Are they trying to impress us? Are they just disinclined to lift a receiver? Are they that stuck for time? Or perhaps it's carpal tunnel syndrome and their wrists can't stand the strain...

And don't get me started on conference calls.

In other news, there's a storm abrewing. Short odds on the Liffey to burst its banks...

Sunday, October 24, 2004

The demise of 5X?

I thought it had all caught up with him. 5X, that is.

In work, half time in the Saturday football, I went to the jacks and noticed the gents was occupied. Didn't pay it a second thought as I rambled into the ladies - they have an electric hand-dryer in there and no crud on the wall, far more amenable. So far, so average pissy weekend working day.

The next bit got my juices a-flowing.

Leaving the washroom I met Nick Royle. Nick pointed out that the gents had been locked for at least an hour. It then struck us that 5X had left his desk and hadn't been spied for some time.

"Get the security guard, and waste no time," commanded Nick. "I think Derek's keeled over from exhaustion of some sort. Hurry do!"

So I meandered downstairs, figuring all the while that 5X had had a good innings and that he would've wanted it this way, this faux '60s rock star demise. Still, for the sake of decency I alerted the security guard, Tony, and we hit the third floor.

At this stage I became nervous, I don't mind telling you.

I mean, dead or merely collapsed from the shindig, I knew I'd be the first in and that I would definitely see 5X's cock.

There was no way around it. It was a sight I'd avoided through seven years of life partnerdom, but everything passes. I held my breath.

We broke in.

Nobody there. Somebody had managed to lock the toilet from the outside, the cubicle unoccupied.

Next thing, the lift pops open and out steps 5X, seeming fitter than a fiddle and very much cogent.

"Alright boys..."

Nick hugged him, thankful that the colour was very much in his cheeks and that he was comfortable and vertical.

I hugged him too, relieved, o so relieved, that again I had avoided meeting le tigre. May my well of fortune never run dry...

Friday, October 22, 2004

Keeping it indoors

5X is a terrible man.

I think he shirks fidelity with glee, I'm not having any more of his "maybe...just maybe...I could be...Jesus it's hard to say....'faithful'....fuck....to this one..." I'm simply never buying that one again, d'ya hear me sire? Still, he's yanging it to the full and I can only admire it.

Gotta get me some of that.

Me? I'm still infuriatingly High Fidelity. If not to the extent of Cowzer, I've found myself dividing up my time between the arts, the shindig dormant. Went on a little spree last night to celebrate the long-delayed aqcuisition of funds.

Three CDS - John Frusciante's 'The Will To Death' ("You'll love it" quoth 5X), American Music Club's 'Love Songs For Patriots' (a Skehan recommendation, seems a bit clever on first listen) and, hang on, what was it, oh yeah, The Coldspoon Conspiracy's 'Plays Well With Others.' Haven't spun that one yet.

Also got 'Gridlock'd' on DVD. It's on account of my Thandie Newton obsession. Not a bad film either but I don't think a lot of Tim Roth's Noo Yawk accent.

The Gods and my underling conspired against my weekend off so I write to you from 30 Foxborough Court. The cat's mewing like 90 downstairs, he's been in queer aul form since he got the snip last week. Still, we couldn't have the horny little devil siring up the neighbourhood now, could we?

I have an itch for radgery and my resolve to keep it indoors is waning by the minute. Might just scout around for some like minded souls later on...

I might just do that.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

'So and so' cuts a dash...

I've been having my most prolific day in work in the history of days in work. With 11 stories written by midday I turned to 5x and says I, "what feature should I do?"

Says he, "write about the Super Hunks."

So I did.

"Edward Norton: Powerhouse performance in American History X put him up there, and is considered the finest young actor in Hollywood. Lack of poster-boy looks may count against him, but he’s a good bet for the top of the tree. Most likely rating? 8/10."

Frankly, I'm a little perturbed at how readily I took to the article - I felt like that odious Joan Rivers at a Hollywood red carpet function, and, to a lesser extent, her daughter and co-host, Melissa Rivers. The 400 words wrote themselves in under 20 minutes.

"Matt Damon: Thank God for Bourne. Matt’s career was heading distinctly swanny-wards when he offered the part of Robert Ludlum’s Average Joe super-spy. Pay-dirt! Talent in abundance and chiselled looks, he’s up there. Most likely rating? 8.5/10."

I must be a benny.

Anyway, it's 2.16pm and I'm free in less than two hours. I could learn to love this early morning jazz. Lift in with Johnny and Pike, no buses and liberty in the late afternoon. It's handy, as I can catch Avoca before it closes and go for a quick stand-up top-up. You know what I'm talking about.

A benny.


Sunday, October 10, 2004

I have blogged...

"The lads done superb. They hassled and harried the French and, though the pay-off's not come, they can be proud of a lion-hearted performance." Johnny Football Pundit.

Yeah it was good stuff alright, we beat the French 0-0 and Germany, for me, beckons. Not to hyperbolise, but with the likes of John O'Shea and Steven Finnan in our team I can't see us getting beat. Or even beaten.

I watched the match in the cosy surrounds of Owen and Emma's Phibsborough flat. We resisted the temptation to watch it with the baying hordes and instead let the mini-fridge master us for the afternoon. Twas cheap and sweet. Oh, and let me recommend Domino's new Indonesian skewers. Mui bueno.

Friday was more of the more. Was spreadeagled on the couch circa 2.30 in the pm, lamenting the demise of Kilroy, when in burst a thirst-riddled John Boy.

"We need to get drunk immediately!"

I sensed the urgency in his voice and decided not to quibble. One quick spray-spray later and we were in The Penny Hill, setting the world to rights and letting lady liquor work her majesty. WMDs, the plight of Palestine, economic disparities and oil...Absolutely all of the above were decidedly off the agenda.

One journey through the by-roads and leafy lanes of West Dublin later and we were back on the couch, setting the world to rights and letting lady liquor work her majesty...

You know that kind of way?

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

My design.

I have a bigger room. It's the strangest thing, for six months now I've been back in box room surroundings, a compact snug with a single bed, a wardrobe, telly, video and a semi-lurid picture on the wall.

Cut to now and, with Edel in Noo Yawk, I have a spacious double boudoir with loads of storage space and a floor you can pace about on. And I like to pace.

Now, the wall behind me is, well, pink, so a lick of paint will be needed. The other walls are cream, and I was thinking of going for a nice...

Wait one moment, nearly caught 'the gay' there. I'll most likely hear what Aisling has to say and nod along politely, ask Johnny to paint it in exchange for lager beer and we'll drink as it dries.

"Everything that transpires does so according to my design..."

Matters of interior decoration aside, it's been a laid back time for me. Stayed in at the weekend with just a couple of cans each night, worked (this is my seventh day of nine in a row) and slept. The changing of the seasons pleases me - I'm a winter soul - while I'm hotly anticipating Friday and Saturday off.

Claire showed me pictures of Barcelona and my resolve to get there has been reinforced, but things are tight financially so I'll bide my time. And then swoop!