Sunday, November 14, 2004

Very 'Fever Pitch'

Dues to 5X.

His latest blog at snakevalley.blogspot.com (Terror, terroir, tear her) simultaneously made me want to, a) exalt in the English language expressed through the fingers of a man attuned to the fruitlessness of life and, b) kill myself.

As an ironic call to arms, his 'down with ambition, because there's no ultimate moment of achievement' mantra did exactly what it said on the title. It terrified me. Because I felt that he was right. In life, there's no great pay-off, just the endless chase for something that's just barely out of reach.

As trying to pick up mercury with a fork-shaped object.

If only life was like football.

Lying on the bed, listening to the Fulham v Chelsea game on Today FM, waiting for constant updates from Liverpool v Palace. 1-0 to the 'Pool. Baros penalty, early in the game. Nice, we'll have this at a canter.

Then they equalise, the fuckers. Kolkka. Who the fuck is Kolkka? He's the bloke that equalised. Made it 1-1. Just before half-time. The fucker.

Next, when it was even more 'just before half-time,' Baros again from open play. 2-1 at the break at Anfield and to my mind it's game over. We'll never let it slip now.

Then we let things slip.

Michael Hughes (aged Nordie) brings Palace back into it and it's time to fret. It's not long into the second half and, while anxious, I feel sure that we'll take the lead again. "Surely Harry Kewell," I told myself "will stop being shit one of these weeks."

Nothing, all I have is Chelsea pissing on Fulham and nothing of the Liverpool game, save for the odd mention that it remains a stalemate.

Clock ticks down. I know that thoughts of "ah well, a point against Palace isn't that bad. They're an emerging force" are utter bollox but I have to deal with it. I have done for 14 years. Final whistles are sounding around the grounds and I reach to turn off the radio.

(Pauses)

Hang on.

(Pauses again)

What did yer man say? Bit of interference on the dial.

(Pau...)

"We've a penalty at Anfield..." (Don't be Palace don't be Palace don't be Palace) "Baros..." (YES!!!!) "...has been tripped again. This could very well be the last kick of the game..." (O please Jesus) "He's taking it himself. For the hat-trick. IT'S LIVERPOOL 3-2 CRYSTAL PALACE. Dramatic finish here at Anfield, Benitez' team have taken the three points. The ref has blown for full-time."

(I run around the room, arms aloft, fall over and don't care).

As doubtless 5X will point out, however, life just isn't like dramatic injury time winners. Still, sixth in the table and climbing.

How very 'Fever Pitch.'

2 comments:

Gypseysdog said...

Your Sky Digital and Sports packages can do one. There's nothing like enjoying a game on the wireless.


Well, some things are quite similar. Like listening to horse racing or that. Or any other sport really. In fact, if you enjoy what you're listening to no matter what it is I guess that would be comparable.
Pretty much the same actually, to all intents and purposes. I suppose.

The Collector said...

Indeed. I think that football fans can grade themselves by how often they listen to radio for games (as opposed to actually going). I still prefer Five Live.